The 7 Blue Yaoi Cats of Wall Club OneShots
by Lord Rebecca-sama
Summary: What do you mean, anime characters aren't real? Of course, they're real!" Frankie pulled Envy close to her bosom. "Let me go, you foul hag!" he yelled. "Frankie!" I shouted. "Let my husband go!" "And thus started the chase that would last ten years..."
1. Explination

_**READ THIS, IT'S IMPORTANT!**_

I'm sorry that this isn't a real chapter, but I need to explain how this will work.

Every story will be a short (or not so short) one-shot. Each story will be written either myself or one of my friends.

This is what happens when me and Frankie walk to our next class and imagine what would happen if anime/manga/book characters came to life. It's like Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, but with anime characters.

Mulitple people can have the same person if they like them. For example, one person could have Shigure (Fruits Basket) in his kimono, another can have him dressed in his suit, and another can have him dressed in a woman's maids' outfit. You never know.

They will range from Death Note to FullMetal Alchemist to Twilight to Naruto to anything and anyone else we like. Things will be made fun of and mocked, and also loved, but mostly mocked.

At the top of the chapter, I will write who wrote that one and at the bottom, I will have a character/object list listing all the characters and which anime/book they come from and any objects you may not be familiar with. Any other questions, ask me.

Be prepared for out-of character ness, alternate universes (it is AU anyway, since they aren't really in this world), alternate times (stories may take place in the future or in the past), and major spoilers for most series probably. Although, I will try and not give those away in mine, but be prepared anyway. Any pairings are possible…and I mean _any_.

_Disclaimer: My friends and I do not own most or possibly any of the people in our stories. We just borrow them and bend them to our will…is that legal?_

Any concerns or questions, please direct them to the review box. If you review to a story that I did not write, it will be a little longer for a reply because I have to contact the author to get a response, unless you have a question for me.

Enjoy.  
-Rebecca _aka 2-10-11eyesFINGERStoes_


	2. English Class

**This wonderful tidbit is written by me, Rebecca.**

_English Class_

I was sitting at my desk in English writing the answer to a question on my test. Envy, Near, and Ian were sitting in front on me. They were all on the floor around my desk. Envy was leaning on my desk, sitting on his knees. His head was onto of his clasped hands and he was staring intently at my test. Near was sitting cross-legged on the floor, playing with little finger puppets that looked like himself, Mello, L, Misa, Kira, and many others along with a stuffed bear I got him for Christmas. Ian was drinking some bottled blood out of a water bottle. He was leaning up against Miss Riva's desk. He wasn't much of a morning person.

"That answer is wrong," Envy whispered to me. I ignored him.

"How would you know if an answer was wrong or not?" Near asked.

Envy glared at Near and blue light engulfed his frame. He seemed to disappear, but he was actually a small fly.

"You can't do anything right. Mello has always been better then you. He always will be and he always got higher test scores then you. He just didn't want to humiliate you by always getting the top score and you always getting the second highest. You couldn't even beat L. You will never surpass the 'greatest detective'! No matter how much you try. Mello was so much smarter then you and he will always beat you," Envy taunted into his ear.

Near leapt up. "YEAH! WELL, THEN HOW DID I ALWAYS GET HIGHER SCORES THEN HIM, HUH?" Near yelled. Everyone was staring at him. He was normally quiet and he didn't get mad easily.

Envy changed back to himself. "It was a fluke!" Envy shouted back.

"Every single time?" Near asked.

"Shut up, ye idiots," Ian said. "I oughtta skewer the both of ye."

"I can't die," Envy told the vampire.

"And I have to finish the Kira case," Near told him.

"We all know that Light did it. It's so obvious, it's hard to believe that you haven't caught him yet," Envy said.

"Only a few more months until the end. I have already bought the warehouse," Near explained.

"Then why not do it now?" Ian asked. "Unlike ye, I wan the war I'm in to be over. It would make everythin much easier." He drank from his water bottle. I had a feeling that he was drinking Blissky and not just regular synthetic blood.

"I'm not in a war, I'm in a battle of wits," Near said. "Envy is the one in the war."

"Hey!" Envy exclaimed. "I'm not in it; I was what helped cause it!"

I tuned them out and went back to my test. This would go on for hours and it would be very hard to stop them.

"Rebecca," Miss Riva said. I looked up at her.

"Hmm?"

"Who are these people?"

"Well," I said, "the one in the white is Near, the one that looks like a palm tree is Envy, and the one that is wearing a kilt is Ian. They're my husbands."

"Right. Is there a way to make them stop?" she asked.

"No, not really," I replied.

"Can we put them into a corner, so they're at least not in the front of the room?"

"That wouldn't be such a good idea. They will try and kill each other if I can't see them. Ian has a claymore stuck to his back; Envy can't really die, so he just gets cut up a lot, and Near most likely has at least a knife or something in one of his toys."

Miss Riva was about to respond when the door banged open, which was really hard to do, since the door opened outward to the hallway.

"Envy!" Ed yelled.

"What do you want, pipsqueak?" Envy asked, turning away from his fight with Near and Ian.

Ed transformed his arm into a blade and charged at Envy across the small room. Envy jumped out of the way and Ed charged again.

"STOP!" I shouted, standing up and slamming my hands onto my desk. I walked over to them. I pointed at Ed, "Who do you belong to?"

"Muto," Ed said.

I sighed. Her Ed was always more violent. "Since, this fight is inevitable, take it outside, and no permanent damage to either of you. I don't want Muto to come after me again."

"Okay," Envy said and jumped out the open window. Ed followed right behind him. I sighed and sat back down.

Ian's cell phone rang. "Are ye sure?" Ian asked. He paused. "I'll be right there." He hung up the phone and dropped it back into his sporran. "Toni is gonna have the baby!" he cried happily and teleported to her side.

I narrowed my eyes at the spot he just vacated. That damn bitch, I hate her.

"Are you okay, Rebecca?" Near asked me, sitting back down in front of my desk with his toys.

"Yeah, Near, I'm fine," I told the young detective.

The bell rang and I turned in my test as Near packed up his toys into the small bag I bought him.

We walked into the hallway and towards French class.

"Oh, my, God!" some random girl said. "It's the White Child," the girl said pointing to Near. She was backing away slowly. "Mikami was right. I have to go tell him!" She ran away down the hallway at top speed.

"What was that about?" Near asked.

"I have no idea. Come on, Near. We have to get to French class."

_Fin._

**Thus concludes this adventure. Character and object list:  
Ian: Love at Stake series by Kerrelyn Sparks. An actual book, not a manga. He's Scottish.  
Envy: FullMetal Alchemist  
Near: Death Note  
Miss Riva: My English teacher  
Rebecca: Me  
Toni (Daytona): Love at Stake series. Ian's wife in the books.  
Ed (Edward Elric): FullMetal Alchemist  
Mello: Death Note  
Sporran: Scottish purse type thing.  
Mikami: Death Note  
Blissky: Synthetic blood and whisky mixed together  
Claymore: giant sword  
Muto: my friend…she likes Ed  
L, Misa, Kira: Death Note  
"White Child": From Fighting Dreamers on youtube. Their video, Mikami's crap.**

**Review please.**


	3. Mello’s Schedule

**This wonderful chapter was written by Frankie.**

_Mello's Schedule_

1 AM: Yell at Frankie. Quote-Unquote, " Turn that bloody cell phone off!"

3:42 AM: Give Frankie disapproving glare.

4 AM: Mello gets kicked out bedroom and forced into kitchen.

5 AM: Try to put leather, skin tight pants on...

5:05 AM: Angst in corner and mumble about Near.

5:10 AM: Angst in food closet about stupid fan-girls who make up NearXMello yaoi.

6 AM: Force Frankie to hook Mello up to the Chocolate IV.

7 AM: Finally get leather, skin tight pants on.

8 AM: Raid 7-11 of their chocolate supply.

9 AM: Raid WALTS of chocolate supply. And their supply of cheese...

9:30 AM: Out run cops on wheelchair he recently stole.

10 AM: Super glue Near's LEGOS to the ceiling.

11 AM: Get kidnapped by Envy.

Noon: Get rescued by Rewind and Frankie.

1 PM: Raid Becca's fridge, then steal Fluffy and blame Envy.

2 PM: Nappy time.

3:30 PM: Hunt down the Easter Bunny and demand full rights to his chocolate egg stash.

5 PM: Throw hissy fit about Matt and Frankie kicking his arse in Wii Brawl.

5:05 PM: Go into time out.

5:10 PM: Angst in corner about being punished.

6 PM: Story time. Force Frankie to read ' Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.'

7 PM: Brush hair exactly 100 times.

7:30 PM: Tea time.

7:45 PM: Hog bathroom.

9 PM: Come out of bathroom.

9:05 PM: Sneak into Frankie's room and attempt to wake her up.

9:07 PM: Receive verbal abuse by Frankie.

9:15 PM: Forced to sleep on couch.

_End._

**There you have it. Now, for the character****/object list:**

**Mello: Death Note  
Near: Death Note  
Frankie: girl who wrote this messed up chapter  
Becca (Rebecca): Me  
Envy: FullMetal Alchemist  
Rewind (Reverse Rewind): Frankie made him up and he hides in her backpack  
Matt: Death Note  
Fluffy: my snake  
WALTS: grocery store**

**Review please. Next week (unless I get a large amount of reviews before then) _Mello Gets Kidnapped_!**


	4. Mello Gets Kidnapped

**This one-shot has been written by me (Rebecca).**

_Mello Gets Kidnapped_

"_Rebecca, have you seen Mello? He didn't come home yet with the ice cream_," Frankie asked me over the phone.

"Well, he might just be stuck in traffic again," I said to her.

"_Yeah, I guess. But normally he calls_." Evil laughter floated up from the basement. I sighed.

"Or Envy kidnapped him."

"_HE WHAT?!_" Frankie exclaimed. "_Envy knows not to mess with Mello's schedule. If his schedule gets messed up even a little bit he gets fussy and last time I had to put him into therapy for a month. It wasn't a pleasant time_."

I sighed and stood up. "I'll send him home."

"_Thank you_."

"Yep, bye."

"_Bye_," she said and hung up. I set my phone down next to my laptop and walked down the basement steps.

Envy was crouched in front of the phone booth in the basement dangling a chocolate bar over his head in front of Mello who was following the sugary treat with his eyes.

"Envy!" I said.

"Oh, shit," he said, dropping the chocolate bar and whirling around to face me.

The edge of the phone booth opened and Mello grabbed the chocolate bar between two fingers and dragged it towards him. Envy turned around at the sound and tried to get the chocolate back, but Mello pulled it into the booth and shut the door quickly. He ripped off the top of the wrapping and bit off a corner.

Envy sighed. "Look what you made me do."

"What did me and Frankie tell you about kidnapping Mello?

"What if that's not really Mello?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Then who is it?" I asked, playing along with his game.

He looked down at his feet. "Uh…Tohru."

I nodded. "Right, Tohru. AS in Tohru Honda?" Envy nodded. "Explain to me how that's possible."

"Um…she's cosplaying."

I crossed my arms and stared at Envy. Did he seriously expect me to believe this story? "There's a couple things wrong with your cosplay theory."

"Oh, yeah? Like what?" Envy asked.

"Like for one, Tohru has boobs and the person sitting in the corner there does not."

"It's called wrapping!"

"And two," I said, ignoring him. "I'm pretty sure that Tohru isn't so obsessed with chocolate to buy triple chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks and fudge mixed in."

"How would you know?" Envy asked. "She could be pregnant and have a craving for chocolate!"

I sweatdropped. "I highly doubt it."

"You never know," Envy grumbled. I sighed. He would never learn.

I looked at Mello huddled in the corner of the phone booth. He had pulled the ice cream out of the bag and was licking the chocolate off the top of the lid. The chocolate bar wrapper lay discarded on the floor.

"Mello!" I snapped. He looked up, ice cream covering his mouth.

"What?" he asked.

I grabbed Envy while he was distracted and handcuffed him to a pole that held up the house.

"Hey!" He struggled to get loose, but the handcuffs were made to fit snugly around his wrist no matter what he turned into.

I opened the phone booth and pointed up the stairs. "Go home." He got up and walked past me—the ice cream safely back in the plastic bag. Hopefully it would stay there until he got back to Frankie.

"And you," I said. Envy stopped struggling and looked up at me. "You're going to stay down here until I feel like taking that off."

"But Rebecca—!" I flipped the light off and went back to my computer.

A few hours later while I was playing Minesweeper on my laptop, I heard a noise in the basement.

"…becca! Rebecca!" I sighed and waded up a piece of paper and walked over to the stairs. I threw the wad down the steps.

"Ow!" Envy exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"Shut up and eat that!" I told him. I turned around and left him alone.

Down in the basement, shrouded in shadow, Envy was pulling the paper apart into small pieces with his fingers. A small pile was forming at his feet.

Envy sighed. "If I didn't love her so much, I would kill her."

_Fin._

**Well, I know for a fact that Frankie has some revenge in mind. The C/O list:  
Mello: Death Note  
Envy: FullMetal Alchemist  
Frankie: my cracked up friend  
Rebecca: me obviously  
Ice cream flavor: as far as I know, I made that up.  
Phone booth: there really is a phone booth in the basement of my grandma's house. Any of my friends can tell u it's true.**

**Next week: **_**Al's Secret and Death The Kid's Obsession Part Uno**_**!**


	5. Al’s Secret Part Uno

**Written entirely by Frankie.**

_Al's Secret and Death the Kid's Obsession Part Uno_

"This is for your own good, Frankie!" Death the Kid franticly chases me around the HF Bio Pond with Liz and Patty on his tail. Patty carries a pair of scissors and Liz with a laser. All four of us are dressed in the regulated HF gym uniform.

"No! This isn't right! Let me be!" I desperately try to find a place of refuge but come up empty handed. I finally spot Ed and Al jogging up ahead of me.

"Sanctuary! Sanctuary!" With all the adrenaline I have left I sped up to the two brothers.

"Hey Frankie. Um… What's going on?" Ed asks as he comes to a halt.

"She's all flustered up! What's wrong?" Al asks as he also stops. I don't even listen to them and jump on top of Al.

"Brother! Frankie's violating me! Help!" Al pleads his brother for help, but I'm already pulling off Al's head and dropping into the hallow suit of armor.

"This doesn't feel right!" Al's voice echoes off the walls. I think I should be safe in here. I take a second to catch by breath and fix my hair. What the hell am I sitting on? It kinda feels like a book… No, more like a magazine. I adjust myself so I can take whatever I'm sitting on. I don't bother looking at the cover and begin to scan through it.

"O' good Lord! Someone get me outta here!!!" I begin to beat the suit of armor and then I hear Death the Kid's voice. Crap, crap, crap!! He found me! I'm lifted from my place in the armor as Al's hand lifts me up. He gingerly sets me on the ground, but I try to run.

"Take one more step and I shoot." Death the Kid takes aim as he holds Liz and Patty in their weapon form.

"I should be going now—" Al tries to run off, but Kid points one of the two guns at Al.

"Now Frankie, you will not protest. Got it?" Kid orders still holding his weapons. I franticly nod my head not wanting to be shot. Liz reappears as her human form and still holds the laser.

"Ed, hold her down." Kid orders Ed and motions with his gun to me. Ed smiles mischievously and transmutes me into a prison.

"What are you doing Ed?! What would Muto think?!"

"I dunno… Why don't you ask her yourself?" Ed throws me a mocking smile and turns around so his back is facing me. Instead of his back, I see Muto piggy-backing on Ed!

"How long have you been there?! You weren't there a second ago!"

"O' about a few days. It's really fun! We Ed walks he goes up and down, up and down. And sometimes when we walk he goes in and out, in and out. You wanna join? We could make it a threesome!" Muto cheerfully exclaims and points her thumb to her back.

"That's just plain sick! Now if there was another dude involved, then I would reconsider." I scratch my chin thinking of the possibilities.

"Now! Go Liz!" Kid yells and Liz is back to being a human. She gets hold of my left arm. With scissors in hand, she puts the blade under my colorful bracelets. She's going to cut them off!

"Come on Frankie. Just give into the beautiful art known as symmetry! Those bracelets on both of your arms are so unsymmetrical! And that freckle on your chin is so… Ugh! We'll just burn it off!" Death the Kid exclaims in excitement. Liz prepares herself to cut off my precious when—

"Halt!" An old woman's voice is heard from a giant orb that has appeared in the middle of all the commotion. The owner of the voice emerges from the orb.

"Don't you dare cut off Lord Frankie's bracelets! If you do… You will destroy the Universe!" The old woman, who is wearing a cloak and hood, proclaims and points her walking stick at Liz.

"Who the hell are you?!" Liz demands. The old woman cocks her head to the side slightly. She slowly pulls back the hood covering her face.

"Why, Liz… I'm you from the future." With that last remark, the elder Liz shuffles back into the orb and disappears. The scissors in Liz's hand fall to the ground as everyone's jaw hits the floor.

"That was me…? My boobs are so saggy in the future!" Liz screams in despair and runs off to the girls' locker room.

**And thus the end of this part. If you aren't rolling on the floor cracking up, then there is something seriously wrong with you. Character/object list (Frankie made it…and as you can see it is much more detailed then mine XD):**

**Frankie: Writer of this crap.  
Muto: My buddy.  
Liz Thompson: Patty's older sister. Death the Kid's weapon. (gun) from Soul Eater  
Patty Thompson: Liz's younger sister. Death the Kid's weapon. (gun) from Soul Eater  
Death the Kid: Shinigami-Sama's child. Liz and Patty's meister. (AKA Kid) from Soul Eater  
Edward Elric: Alchemist. Al's older brother.(AKA Ed) from Full Metal Alchemist  
Alphanse Elric: Alchemist. Ed's younger brother. (AKA Al) from Full Metal Alchemist**

**Review Please. More reviews mean that I will update that much faster.** **Next week,_ Al's Secret and Death the Kid's Obsession Part Two_.**


	6. Al's Secret Part Two

**This was written by Frankie.**

_Al's Secret and Death the Kid's Obsession Part Two_

**Frankie's POV**

"Hey Frankie. Come on out. No ones gonna hurt you." Kankuro's voice can be heard from within the box I have secluded myself in. I shake the box giving him my answer.

"Please come out! I haven't seen you since Death the Kid tried to make you symmetrical! Besides, Kid and the Thompson sisters said they wouldn't make any more attempts on you!"

"I'm sorry Kankuro, but… I don't wanna risk it! These bracelets are like babies to me!" I hold my arms to my chest as I hug my hands. Kankuro gives a heavy sigh and lifts part of the box up. He peeks under the opening and scoots into the box.

"If you're trying to hide from Kid, you're not doing a very good job." He tells me plainly as I take his hat.

"Why would you say that? He hasn't found me yet, right? So it must be a good hiding spot." I adjust the hat on my head and pull my knees to my chest.

"You're in a neon green box… That's in the middle of the football field! I could see you from the Bio Pond! Kankuro exclaims loudly. I tilt my head to the side, slightly amused by his irritation.

"Green is my favorite color! And I didn't want to miss the football game…"

"That's it. We're leaving."

"I can't though, what about—"

"Mello has locked himself in the freezer with a plushie of you and he's speaking in tongues! Laszlo has been sitting in a pine tree nibbling on buttons! He thinks he's a squirrel! A squirrel for Christ sake!" Kankuro reclaims his hat and stands up. This made the box topple over, exposing us to the outside world.

"Hiissss!!! The light!! It burns us! It burns us! Shut up Frankie! Get back into the box! Well, you don't have to be mean about Frankie! Just get back in there and make me a damn samwich, woman! Why are you so cruel to me?! Know your place woman! And that place is in the kitchen!" I begin to yell at myself and scratch at the air while I roll around in the grass field. Kankuro just stands above me with a blank expression. He then picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. Kankuro then takes a walkie-talkie out of his pocket.

"Chouji, this is Kankuro. Frankie has been found and we're reporting back to headquarters. You tell the other two husbands that she has been found…. What was that?........ You can't remember what tree Laszlo was in?............ He's not in her front yard?.......... Then check---……… O' I see….. Well get a microphone and start calling out for him!......... What do you mean he took it?!......... He did what with it?........ Okay, okay stop! That is just too nasty! Kankuro gags a bit after hearing whatever Chouji had to say. He's so disgusted, he throws the walkie-talkie into the Bio Pond. With a heavy sigh, Kankuro adjust me so I'm now piggybacking. We begin to walk towards Flossmoor Road so we could begin searching for Laszlo.

************* Later At Frankie's House*********

"Kankuro!! Kid's here!! Quick! Emergency box!" As soon as I spot Kid leaning against my front door, I pull out the emergency box from my pocket. It inflates into a neon orange TV box on the driveway. I jump off Kankuro's back and scurry into my shelter. I then begin to move the box into an unknown direction trying to get away from Kid.

"No! Not again! Get your ass back here now!" Kankuro's irritated voice booms through the whole street. I move the box even faster as my heart rate rises. I suddenly run into something, must be one of the statues across the street. I try to get past it, but end up running into it repeatedly. I sneak a peek of the outside world, hm, the world looks like a shoe. What?! The well-polished Italian shoe begins to tap, as if the owner was waiting for a train. The foot kicks my box a good ten feet. I attempt to retrieve it, but Kankuro already has a strong grip on my collar.

"Kankuro let go! You know all too well that I will wriggle out of this shirt and run away!" I state as I still try to free myself. Kid and Kankuro exchange wary glances and shake their head in unison. To prove them wrong, I do manage to get out of my shirt and run down the street. ( Not to worry, I have a tank top underneath my shirt. So stop thinking dirty thoughts male readers…)

"Yesh! Sweet, sweet freedom!! Hey Lou!" I exclaim in excitement and wave to my neighbor watering his plants.

"Frankie! You've returned!" I turn my head back to see who is pursuing me. I stop in my tracks as I realize it's Mello. His arms are out wide, waiting for a hug.

"Mello! I missed you so much!" We both run to each other, arms spread out. We finally catch each other in a huge hug. Mello's hug is just a little too tight and I have trouble breathing.

"O' Frankie it's been so lonely without you!"

"That's great… but I need to run away now!" I struggle to escape. Kid and Kankuro causally walk to our side. I'm suddenly face-to-face with Kid.

"Frankie, I don't want to cause you any harm. I simply came over to ask you a mere question. What was inside of Al that caused you to blow your cover?"

"That's it? I sure feel embarrassed! But first… Mello let go, please." Mello's reluctant at first but sets me on the ground.

"Okay then—Kankuro stop staring! And give me my shirt! … Perv…" I steal my shirt back, and give Kankuro a disappointing glance. I pull it over my head and fix my hair.

"All right—Hey is that Al over there?" I point a finger in the direction of the hill nearby and see a figure rolling down it. I wave the boy over and explain the situation.

"I guess I'll just see what is inside Al myself." Kid then jumps on Al and swan dives into the empty armor. The whole group suddenly hears Kid gasp.

"O' my greatest dreams have been realized!" Kid's voice suddenly booms through our ears as he makes the discovery.

"What exactly is inside Al?" Kankuro whispers in my ear.

"Hardcore yuri, my dear hubby." My voice is heavy is with disappointment as I lean against Kankuro.

**2 Weeks Later  
Rewind's POV**

"How long is it gonna take us to get there, Rewind?" Mello complains as we trudge deeper into Hobo Jungle.

"We shouldn't even be here! Look at all the trespassing signs!" Laszlo points out the obvious once again. At least Kankuro is being cooperative as he also drags his feet in the dirt.

"Would you guys quit your bitching and follow me! I mean seriously!" I exclaim at the group of guys. Kankuro raises an eyebrow and I shake my head. I stop in front of a giant oak tree that veers closer to the fence. I hit the proper parts of the tree and a door slides open. Collected gasps come from the three boys behind me. So Frankie really hasn't shown her husbands' the hidden lab. We all enter the door and the elevator takes us down. I can't see why Frankie would even like these dudes. For the record, I'm not jealous of them just 'cause they're her husbands and I'm not. No. Here are my reasons for my loathing:

-Mello looks like a tranny (not even a good one at that). All that chocolate will eventually go to his ass.

-Laszlo is 5'2 and is as shaky as a Chihuahua about to be neutered.

-Then there's Kankuro, he has a cat ear hat and wears purple makeup!

What the fuck is up with these guys!? I groan to myself as the doors slide open revealing the lab. The room is very bright with high ceilings and wood flooring. I lead the group as they all stare at the huge room. We go past the five star kitchen, movie room, fish TV room, Water Park, bathroom, another kitchen, bedroom, paintball room, and doodle room. We're almost to our destination until Laszlo stops us.

"May I ask what on earth this is?" Laszlo walks up to the glass tank with caution.

"Looks like the shittiest stick figure ever drawn if you ask me." Mello states as he also walks up to the glass and taps it. Kankuro merely tilts his head to the side. I face palm myself. Inside is a stick figure with little wiggles on its head that are 'posse to be hair. It then has wings on its back.

"This is…was created by Rebecca. Its name is Nüw Guey and it's a shinigami. It's on life support right now. Apparently you need heart, lungs, and a brain to live. Rebecca is in denial and thinks it can be saved. Come on now. We're almost there." We keep on walking until we come to the game room. We find Black Star, Matt, Ryoku, and Frankie in a heated battle of Mario Brawl. By the looks of it, Sheik and Lucario are beating the shit out of Meta Knight and Snake.

"You guys are way~~~ too easy to beat!" Frankie pumps her fist in the air as they beat the opposing team. Matt coolly high fives his partner while Black Star and Ryoku blame each other for losing. Frankie catches me on the corner of her eye and runs up to us.

"It's about time you got here! Come one we need to hurry up!" Frankie waves goodbye to her video game buds and leads us away from the game room. We eventually come to what appears to be an observation room and below (you know the kind you see when the people on House are watching the surgery) the window is a padded room. Inside the padded room is a tied up Death the Kid.

"Now what we're trying to accomplish today is trying to cure Kid's obsession with yuri and bring back his annoying symmetrical thingy back…" Frankie waves her hand in the air and walks towards a cabinet. She pulls out what appears to be 'bout eighteen issues of a manga. She's 'bout to walk off until Mello raises his hand.

"Yes~~ Mello."

"Why can't we just send a good friend down there? You know, to talk to him." Mello suggests.

"I thought of that and it ended badly…" Frankie adds plainly.

"What happened?" Laszlo asks as he also raises his hand.

"She asked Patty and Liz to talk to Kid and he kinda demanded that they recite a scene from his favorite yuri….." I inform the group as Frankie then takes an elevator to the padded room. Our group sees her down next to Kid. I point to the TV screen so we can see what she's doing.

"Kid this is becoming ridiculous. Everyone misses you and well... This is for your own good." Frankie is able to get Kid's attention and then she shows him what she has in her hand. Every boy in the observation room, including Kid, gasp in awe at the volumes of 'Strawberry Panic!' in Frankie's hand.

"Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!!!!" Kid gives a feeble attempt to wriggle his way to the manga but Frankie cruelly holds it 'bove his head.

"I'm sorry Kid. This is for your own good—Actually I'm not so sorry. This is the most fun I've had since that weekend at my cousins place!" An evil grin spreads over her face and she rips the first volume of 'Strawberry Panic!' in half.

"Symmetry will always triumph! You remember that!" Frankie throws the pieces of the manga at Kid's baffled face. She continues to rip volume two through sixteen and throw them at Kid.

"You little bitch! I'll rip your damn face off!" Kid screams in her face, his eyes become watery. Man, Kid seriously looks like someone ran over his puppy repeatedly! It's almost funny! The remaining issues of the manga are destroyed and Frankie leaves the room.

"I only have one last resort…" She claps her hands and a giant TV lowers itself into the padded room. The screen lightens up and Kid watches with fascination.

"What's he watching?" Kankuro asks as Frankie and I walk off together.

"A video done by Discovery Channel on the symmetry of yuri." She states and then runs off, prolly back to the game room.

"Why didn't you use this technique before?!" Mello exclaims in Frankie's face. Ooo… Bad move. This should be funny.

"First off, it was fun as hell to do and should you really be yelling at me?" Her eyes narrow and she snaps her fingers. Robotic arms pick up Mello and throw him in the second padded room. He's strapped down and another TV screen comes down.

"Mello is currently watching MelloXNear yaoi and assorted MelloXRod Ross. If anyone dares cross me again you will meet a worse fate." Frankie points to the now screaming Mello. The remaining husbands nod their heads showing they understood. She smiles at their answers and takes my hand. She literally dragged me to the game room. I don't mind. On the way her cell phone rings.

"Hey , hey! ¡Qué pasa! Yeah…. Yeah he's doing just fine! He's watching symmetric porn right now so it may be a while before he can go home……… Okay then! Sounds good! Coffee at your place then!" she hangs up her phone we do our best to ignore Mello's cry for help as we play Brawl.

**C/O list. Once again Frankie wrote it:  
Mello: Death Note (one of my three husbands)  
Near: Death Note  
Rod Ross: Death Note (mafia boss)  
Rewind: The coolest dude to live in my backpack!  
Kankuro: Naruto ( one of my three husbands)  
Laszlo: Love at Stakes Series. Scientist. ( one of my three husbands)  
Chouji: Naruto  
Death the Kid (Kid): Soul Eater  
Liz & Patty (Thompson sisters): Soul Eater  
Shinigami-Sama (On the phone at the end): Soul Eater  
Matt: Death Note  
Black Star: Soul Eater  
Ryoku: Soul Eater  
Sheik: My all time favorite Mario Meele/Brawl character  
Lucario, Snake, Meta Knight: Mario Brawl ( I did my best to match the characters up with the others)  
Frankie: The idiot who wasted her life for this.  
'Strawberry Panic!': Actual yuri. I would like to say sorry if I got the number of volumes wrong. I tried my best to find the correct number but it proved to be harder task than I thought.  
Discover Channel: They make a video on everything.  
Hobo Jungle: A long patch of trees between a railroad track and school. During free time at the elementary school most of the kids (including myself) would make up stories about the hobo that lived in the trees. Thus the name.  
Bio Pond: The pond at my high school.  
Al: Full Metal Alchemist  
Rebecca: well you should know who she is**

**I hoped you liked. As you can see…frankie's chapters are strange. XD Review. Next week, **_**Envy's Punishment**_**.**


	7. Envy's Punishment

**Written by me (Rebecca) once again. Also, some spoilers involving Envy in FullMetal Alchemist. If you don't know who ends up dying in FMA, or the ending of the last episode, then I suggest you don't read this chapter unless you don't care. XD**

_Envy's Punishment_

**Envy's POV**

Damn, Rebecca. Damn her to hell. Why the hell am I at her school pretending to be her, while she's off somewhere else.

I scowled and readjusted the fake purse on my shoulder.

Right now, I am standing in the sandwich line in North Building. I was wearing the same outfit Rebecca was wearing today. She happened to be wearing black boy shorts and a green t-shirt that said _My imaginary friend thinks I have serious mental problems_. It also has this crazed looking squirrel on it. I don't feel right with my hair up. It's not even my hair, it's Rebecca's. She put it up in a ponytail this morning and I had to do the same.

Sometimes, I really hate being the shapeshifter. I sighed. At least she wasn't wearing a fancy dress and heels. That would have been awkward to walk around in school.

I reached the front of the line and the lunch lady smiled at me, grabbing a new plate for my wrap.

"Hey, there," she said, thinking I was Rebecca.

"Hey," I said with a fake smile on my face. I really didn't want to be here right now.

"Plain, right?" I nodded. She quickly made the wrap with practiced ease. It was sad that Rebecca came here everyday and the lady knew her order by heart—turkey, American, lettuce, and ranch dressing on a plain wrap.

The lunch lady handed me the made wrap and I thanked her. I walked over to the cashier line and asked for a Rice Krispy treat. I paid the four dollars and shoved the unused dollar back in my pants. I don't even understand why she wanted me to buy lunch, mooching off people is so much easier. Besides, it's always fun to watch Frankie cry when I steal her pudding.

I scowled and stalked off towards the lunch table where Frankie, Becky, and Sarah were sitting.

Frankie looked up at me. "Hey, Rebec—Envy, what are you doing here looking like Rebecca?"

I dropped the plate on the table and sat on the red bench, straddling it.

"Hello to you, too, Frankie. Isn't it such a lovely day?" I said sarcastically.

"Oh, defiantly, it is!" Frankie exclaimed, clapping her fingertips together once in a happy manner.

I looked at the girl with a confused expression. "It's raining," I explained to her.

"I know," she said with a big goofy smile on her face. I groaned and facepalmed.

"Okay," Becky said. "If a rainy, dreary day with no sunshine is your good day, then what's your bad day?"

I knew we would regret ever asking as soon as those words left Becky's mouth. "Well…" Frankie started. "I love days that are cloudy and with a little wind and a little warm. I don't the days when it's all sunshine, sunshine. Like when I'm going to the country and all the clouds are gone and the lighting is all-suckish. That's bullcrap!! I wonder what's for dinner?" she said looking thoughtful. "Cloudy days always have great lighting, but those are days when zombies come out, but I'm making a Zombie Squad, but it's just me and my cousin. So, I need more people, but on a sunny day zombies don't come out because they don't want to get a sunburn because zombies can't afford sun screen. I kinda like days in between days because you never know what supernatural being will come!" She dropped a piece of pudding on her shirt. "What the #$*& I just bought this! Hehe…. But days when it's sunny and still kinda raining make me wanna hurt innocent bystanders."

We stared at her with our mouths hanging open. That was the most ridiculous explanation I have ever heard and she said that with a straight face, too!

"Uhh, Frankie," I said.

"Yes, dear, Envy?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you have mental problems?"

"Quite a few people in fact. How about you?"

"What about me?" I asked.

"Has anyone ever told _you_?"

"I don't understand."

"You have an imaginary friend that thinks you have serious _mental_ problems."

My hands itched to take off this shirt, throw it in the trash and light it on fire. "God damn it! This is Rebecca's shirt. She just decided to put it on this morning!"

"It's appropriate for this conversation right now though," Becky said.

I rubbed my temples, trying to resist the urge to murder Rebecca's friends. "Has anyone ever tried to get you help?" I asked Frankie.

"…one."

"Do I want to know what happened to that one person?" Becky asked.

"Oh, she's fine," Frankie explained. "She just had to go into therapy for about ohh two months, or was it a year?" She shrugged.

You're a danger to other people around you," I told her.

"So are you!" Frankie said. "Let's see, you killed *sniff* Hughes, you stabbed Ed though the chest, you kicked Ed in the face, almost ate him when you were a dragon—"

"When was I a dragon?" I asked, cutting her off.

"In the movie."

"I don't remember that."

"Well, at the end of the series you went though the gate and to get out of it, you changed into a giant yellow dragon," she explained. "At least, I think you were yellow," she mumbled to herself.

I thought about it for a moment. "Nope, still doesn't ring a bell."

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. We got up and started walking back to our language classes.

"If it doesn't ring a bell, then why did a bell just ring?" Frankie asked.

I scowled and resisted the urge to ring my hands around her neck.

"Frankie…"

"Hmm?"

"Go run into a wall or something."

"No can do, Envy" she said, draping her arm over my shoulder. "You see, I have a speaking final in Spanish in a few minutes and if I miss that then I'll fail and they'll take Rewind away from me." She wrapped her arms protectively around her boobs. "Besides, I know you're just jealous."

"Jealous? Of what?" I asked.

"You're jealous for the fact that I have Rewind hiding in my bra and not yours!"

I froze outside the stairwell doors on the second floor in shock. "Wait, what are you…?" But she was already rounding the corner, skipping back to Spanish.

I walked back to the French room and sat down. How the hell did Rebecca end up with a friend like Frankie? It made no sense.

I sighed and laid my head in my hands. I just want to go home!

_Fin._

**C/O list:****  
Envy: FullMetal Alchemist and if you don't know that by now that's sad.  
Frankie, Becky, Sarah: My friends I sat with at lunch  
Lunch lady: she seriously knows my wrap by heart…tis sad  
North Building: H-F (my high school) has two buildings—North and South—separated by a path and North is where I always eat my lunch. North has three floors, the lunch room is on first and the language rooms are on second. The second floor gets class split in half during the lunch period with lunch being in the middle with a class sandwich around it. (weird analogy I say…and I just made it up XD)  
Rewind (Reverse Rewind): Frankie made him up and because she has too many books in her backpack, Rewind must stay in her bra because her pocket is too cramped (she told this to me one day XD)  
Frankie's bad day: she wrote that out for me, word for word. That is what goes on in her mind and any one time.  
The shirt Envy is wearing: I love that shirt, its one of my favorites ^_^  
Hughes (Meas Hughes): FullMetal Alchemist. That episode where he died was sooooo sad.**

_**No**__**te: Envy looked like me the entire story, but I guess it doesn't really matter how you picture him, cuz if you have no idea what I look like it would be pretty hard. XD**_

**Review please! Next week, _Death of a Ninja_!**


	8. Death of a Ninja

**This was written by me (Rebecca).**

_Death of a Ninja_

"I'm Naruto Ukumaki, believe it! Ramen, ramen, ramen, believe it! I'm going to be the next Hokage, believe it!" Naruto paused. "I'm going to be a perverted bastard, believe it!"

"Did you know that every time Naruto says 'believe it', a ninja dies?" Becky inquired.

"So," I said, "which four ninjas died?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt the program, but we have an urgent announcement!" the talking fish newscaster from Spongebob said.

"We're in a show?" I asked.

"I guess," Becky replied.

"Four ninjas have just been found dead from an unexpected heart attack!" the fish announced.

I fell down onto my knees and looked up into the sky, throwing my arms upward. "Damn you, Kira!"

"You don't even know which four died yet," Becky said and paused, "and what's wrong with Kira?"

I stood up. "Oh, yeah." I ignored her other question. Kira almost killed one of the most important people to me—Near, aka Nate River, why wouldn't I hate him.

"The names of the ninjas are _FWOOP_." The TV and all the lights in the room turned off.

"Noooooo!" I collapsed on my knees and grabbed the TV, shaking it. "Who died?" I cried, "Which four—"

"Believe it!"

"—five ninjas are no longer with us?"

"Uhhh, Rebecca, aren't you a ninja?" Becky asked.

I stood up again and brushed the dust off my clothes, facing her. "Yeah, but I'm from the Hexagon village; and no one cares about us.

"Doesn't that mean you'll die first?"

"…oh shit!" I yelled. "How do I stop being a ninja?"

"You can't."

"Damn it!"

"Unless…" I swirled back around to face her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Tell me how, woman!"

"You could get pregnant. Then you have to stay home and take care of the kid."

I sank to my knees and hit my fist on the ground in defeat.

"What's wrong with Rebecca?" Frankie asked walking into the room.

"Naruto said 'believe it' five times and the TV went out before the fish from Spongebob could say who died. Then she remembered that she's from the Hexagon village and since nobody cares about them, she's gonna die first," Becky explained.

"Which fish? The '_my leg_', one?"

"No, the only real fish in the entire show."

"Oh, yeah. How did they die?"

"Unexplained heart attack, otherwise known as Kira."

"Wouldn't she already be dead if it was Kira?" I froze with banging my head into the wall and glomped Frankie from behind.

"You are so right, Frankie!"

"I always am!...What am I right about this time?"

I hopped off of her. "That if Kira killed me, I would already be dead. And since I'm not dead, I'm fine!" I exclaimed.

"Who said you were fine?" Tsunade said from behind me. I turned around slowly and looked at her. She cracked her knuckles rather loudly.

"I wasn't in the hospital recently."

"That doesn't mean anything for your mental health," she said. I swallowed nervously. "Come with me." She grabbed my arm and dragged me away.

"Help, guys!" I screamed. "Ahhhhh!!!!"

"Poor Rebecca," Becky said.

"Yeah," Frankie agreed. "Want to go get a popsicle?"

"Sure."

*********************

**~At the Hospital~**

"You're going to stay in this nice yellow padded room until I say so," Tsunade said, pushing me in.

"You can't just leave me here!" I screamed.

"I can and I am." She slammed the door closed.

I sallowed and made a full circle in my padded room "This isn't so bad. I don't have doctors annoying me all the time, Kira can't get my face, the missing-nin after me will have to get past all the doctors and ANBU and other nins out there, I won't get that popsicle I wanted—" I stopped. "Nooooooo!!!!! I really wanted that popsicle!" I was lying on the ground sobbing.

"_Bahahahahahaha_!" I froze.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"_Bahahahahahaha_!" I looked up and as met with the smiling face of Spongebob and all his spongy yellowness.

"Holy shit!" I ran over to the door, my steps squeaking as I ran, and pounded on it. "Let me out of here!"

"_Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha_!" I collapsed on the floor and spasmed as the word went black. "_Bahahahahahahahahahaha_!" echoed into the darkness.

*********************

**~At the Hokage's office in Konaha~**

"Why do you think the Hokage wanted us?" Frankie asked. "I don't even belong to this village." She readjusted the Hexagon village headband on her forehead.

"Probably ran out of money again, or she's drunk and forgot that you don't live here," Becky said. "I'm not even a ninja. I have no idea why I'm still here in a _ninja_ village."

"Because you love me and Rebecca."

"We still have to get Rebecca out of that hospital. She's been in it for a few months."

"I know," Frankie replied.

"Damn it. I hate that damn woman," Naruto mumbled. "Not allowing me to say that, just because a few ninjas died." Becky and Frankie stopped and listened to Naruto mumble.

"Hey, Naruto!" Frankie said. "What's wrong?"

He looked up. "The damn Hokage made a law that said I couldn't say the one phrase that 'sequently' killed a _few_ ninjas here and there. It saved me once," he defended.

"You mean, 'believe it'?" Becky asked.

"Yes!" he moaned. "I have to go. She wants you to go right in by the way." He walked away.

"Poor guy" Frankie said. "That was like his favorite phrase." Becky nodded in agreement.

They walked over to the Hokage's door and pushed it open. The room looked the same except a high back chair and the back of it was facing them.

"Hokage-sama?" Frankie asked. "What exactly are we needed for?"

"Oh good!" I exclaimed, spinning the chair around. I laughed out loud at Frankie and Becky's shocked faces. "Oh, don't be so surprised! Tsunade shouldn't be allowed to gamble."

"But why are you in the Hokage's office?" Becky asked.

"I'm acting Hokage for the day!" I exclaimed. "I bet Tsunade that I wouldn't be able to get out of the padded room she set me in and after I went insane and blacked out, they took me out of the room and checked me over in the hospital. So, I won the bet and became acting Hokage for the day."

"But she put you in the room five months ago. Why are you _now_ the acting Hokage?" Frankie asked.

"Because I only got out two days ago. I was lying in that room for a _very_ long time. Anyway, onto the mission!" I exclaimed. "This is a very important S-Class mission! I need both of you to go obtain me…a popsicle!!!" I was standing with my one hand high up in the air pointing upwards. My left foot was resting on the chair in front of my desk, while my right foot was on the ground and fireworks went off behind me.

Becky and Frankie sweatdropped.

"I'll handle this," Frankie said. She walked up to my desk, grabbed a paper plate out of her back pocket and set it on the desk. She rubbed her hands together as if preparing to do something. She clapped her hands once and closed her eyes, and then five seconds later she put her hands down on either side of the plate. Blue light surrounded the plate and when it disappeared all that was left was a cherry popsicle sitting on the paper plate.

I hugged her as hard as I could. "Thank you, Frankie! I've been wanting that popsicle _forever_."

"How did you do that?" Becky asked as I picked up the popsicle and started licking the cherry goodness.

"I don't care, it's good."

"I am known as the Food Alchemist in other…ummm places that are far from here. I have the ability to create any food I want."

"What happened to my popsicle!?" a little girl screamed from down on the street.

I glared at the short haired ninja-alchemist.

"I didn't steal her popsicle, if that's what you're thinking," she said. "That's just how my alchemy works."

"So, it's stealing?" Becky asked.

"No, not—"

"Rebecca!" Tsunade screamed, slamming open the door.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" I asked calmly.

"Get out," she all but growled, pointing towards the door.

"Gladly. You have a wonderful view by the way. Come on, guys." I started walking out of the room. "I'm sure the Hexakage is missing two of his best nins by now."

"The Hexakage wouldn't know his way out of a green cardboard box," Frankie commented.

"What does the color have to do with it?" I asked.

"It just does!"

"Guys, guys, guess what!?" a giant talking panda shouted, running up to us. The panda was dressed in purple earmuffs and a scarf.

"What, Miss Fluffleuffullkins?" I asked, jumping and grabbing the pandas paws in my two hands.

"Remember those five ninjas that died at the beginning of this chapter?"

I started crying and sank to the floor. "Yes," I sniffed.

"Well, I know who they are."

I jumped up again and grabbed her shoulders. "Tell. Me," I growled.

"Umm…ummm…Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, and Craig Tucker."

"Wait a second," I said. "Those people are from South Park. They aren't ninjas!"

"They are in the episode _Good Times With Weapons_," Miss Fluffleuffullkins said.

I laughed. "I remember that episode."

Miss Fluffleuffullkins started shaking violently and let out a tremendous roar. Her teeth became sharp points and her fur stood up on end.

"Shit! You guys, we need to move now."

Suddenly, Gai-Sensai jumped in front of us. "Run, girls! Your youthfulness needs to live on! I will protect you from this unyouthful beast!" he said and flashed us his nice guy pose.

"Right, guys," I said, pulling them away just as Miss Fluffleuffullkins smashed her giant teeth around Gai and bit off the top half of his body, splattering blood all over.

"Ewwwww," Becky whined. "I got blood on my new shirt."

"Why did you kill Gai off?" Frankie asked.

I shrugged. "He annoys me."

Five minutes later we were standing on the outer wall staring down at Miss Fluffleuffullkins rampaging throughout Konoha.

"Should we go help?" Becky asked.

"Neh," Frankie said.

"Not our problem. We don't live here. Let's go home," I said and jumped off the wall into the forest. Frankie jumped off after me.

"Umm, guys," Becky said, still on the wall. "A little help! Guys! I'm not a ninja!" She sat down and stared down at Konoha. "Well, shit."

**Don't ask where this came from. I was in gym after I finished my final and I just started writing and well, I'm not really sure. I think the stress of finals finally got to me. *sweatdrops***

**C/O list:  
Naruto Ukumaki: Naruto duh…main character  
wat he's saying at the very beginning: from the youtube video 'Narutarded' by Rockinmuffin  
Becky: my friend  
Spongebob: if you don't know who that is, you had no life as a kid  
the fish newscaster: the only real fish in all of Spongebob  
Kira: Death Note…main bad guy  
Near (Nate River): Death Note, my hubby (one of um anyway)  
Hexagon Village: doesn't really exist according to Frankie and Jessica, but on allanimedvd. com they sell headbands for it  
Frankie: my other friend  
Tsunade: Naruto, "Legendary Sucker", she's like 50, but looks 20, medic-nin  
yellow padded room: picture the episode of Spongebob where Mrs. Puff goes to jail  
ANBU: Naruto, the assignation force  
Bahahahahahaha: Spongebob's laugh just fyi  
Hokage: Naruto, leader of Konoha  
Konoha: Naruto, Village Hidden in the Leaves  
-sama: great respect for someone  
Food Alchemist: Frankie's alchemist name  
Alchemy: can't explain, just look it up in FullMetal Alchemist terms  
Hexakage: Leader of the Hexagon Village  
Miss Fluffleuffullkins: …I have no idea, I modeled her after my keychain on my phone from Borders  
Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker: South Park, the four main characters and another random child from the show  
Gai-Sensai: Naruto, may be spelled Guy, but I have no idea. He just annoys me in the show**

**Please review, my friends and then you will get more crack filled stories like this one! Next week, _Amputation_!**


	9. Amputation

**This was written by me (Rebecca).**

_Amputation_

"Save me from the horrors and boringness that is school," I said to Frankie as I sat down at the lunch table.

"At least you're not in pain!" she said. "Well physical pain at least…" She showed me a picture of Gaara (Shippuden outfit) with a blindfold on and a pointy bat in his hand. A chibi Deidara was smashed against the wall and a chibi Naruto was in the corner going "OH EM EFF GEEE!!!"

I looked at the picture and raised an eyebrow. "Uhhhh, what exactly is happening in this picture? And why are you in pain?"

She looked down "Me tummy hurts and I'm drugged up and I have a hot pad on me tummy." I nodded, unsure. "Deidara is a piñata. And Gaara is beating him up for kidnapping him."

"I'm sorry about your pain and at least you're not Deidara." I took a bite of my wrap.

"Yeah…," she said. "He losses his arms and blows up………."

"That tends to be painful…Envy thinks so too and he can grow those back," I told her.

"Yeah, amputation does hurt a little. You know that feeling right? It's debatable if he can grow them back!" she argued.

"I can't say I know the feeling, seeing that all my limbs are flesh and blood and not automail," I said, wondering why she knows how amputation feels like. "Why wouldn't he be able to grow them back?"

"Remember when Wrath got burnt by hot steam? His skin didn't regenerate."

"But Wrath is an annoying little brat," I argued. "Who by chance is hilarious," I laughed. "And Envy can shapeshift. He can make a new arm!"

"How can u shapeshift what isn't there?" she countered.

I thought for a second. "Well, he can change into a man with a penis and no boobs to a woman with boobs and no penis!"

"What does that have to do arms?" Frankie asked confused.

"Well, he didn't have boobs before he shifted."

"The question still remains," she said.

"Well, he's a guy so he naturally doesn't have boobs," I said. "So, he has to create them from nothing—unless he rips them off of some lady—and the same goes for if he loses an arm."

"Ooo using the old booby from air trick I see," she said, stroking her chin. "A worthy opponent."

I nodded at her strangeness. "Yes…umm I'm confused now, so, why don't you enlighten me," I said.

"Boobs don't come from air," Frankie said, throwing her hands up in the air. "They regenerate from the body. In other words, Envy is a chick and is in denial."

I stared at her. If Envy was a chick, I would know; he's my husband. "Where does his penis come from?" I asked.

"His feet," she said and took a bite of her sandwich.

I took a bite of my wrap. "Explain…"

"You know what they say about men with big feet?" she paused. I facepalmed, wrong body parts combined. "It has just been explained."

"No it hasn't!" I countered.

"Picky," she said.

"Yeah," I agreed. "And it's the size of the feet for the size of the penis."

She smiled. "I know. What's Envy's shoe size?"

"…Eight."

"I knew it," she said and ate the last piece of sandwich.

"Knew what?"

"Exactly," she said.

Envy walked up to the lunch table and sat down across from me on the edge. "What are you guys talking about?" he asked.

Frankie looked at her food and blushed. I smirked. "Penis size."

Envy blinked a few times. "Uhh, alright then."

"_And_ if you lost a limb, would it grow back," Frankie said.

"Well, that was how it started," I informed him.

"I don't even want to know how it got to Penis size."

Suddenly Frankie pulled a chain saw out from under the table and sliced off Envy's arm. Why didn't I notice the roar of the chainsaw earlier?

He jumped up, outraged. "What was that for?!" He was dripping blood onto the floor. Everyone in the cafeteria was staring at him.

He picked up his arm and stalked off, muttering about something.

I looked at Frankie. "What was the purpose of that?"

"To see if he could grow his arm back."

"And if he couldn't?"

She shrugged. "Not my problem." I sighed. "I still don't think he can. I mean if he could, he would have just made a new arm grow and stopped the flow of blood onto the floor."

A bell rang in my head. Blood. "Does Envy bleed?" I asked.

Frankie paused. "I…don't…know."

"Well, if he doesn't, then let's hope whoever's arm you cut off, doesn't sue or anything."

Frankie started humming, thus ending any conversation I could have with her.

"Psst, Rebecca," my earpiece crackled with Envy's voice.

"What?" I asked, pushing on the talk button the earpiece.

"Meet me outside in five minutes." I smiled a smile that was closer to a smirk and ate my Rice Krispy Treat.

**The first part of this conversation actually happened. Well, it was actually over text messages and while I was at Temple. (I'm Jewish btw)**

**C/O list:  
Envy: FullMetal Alchemist…in the anime he's Ed's older half-bro  
Gaara: Naruto  
Shippuden: It's after the two year time-skip in Naruto  
Deidara: Naruto  
Naruto: Naruto  
Wrath: FMA  
Frankie: my friend**

**Review Please.**


	10. Such a Fail, It's Almost a Win

**Written by me (Rebecca).**

_Such a Fail, It's almost a Win_

I yanked on Mello's leash as I led him out of my house and down the street. He ran away too much for Frankie's liking, so she put a dog collar on him and it made bringing him home that much easier.

This time he had ran to my house because of some fight he got into with Kankuro, who was threatening him with his puppets or something.

"Where are you taking me?" Mello asked. He was scratching at his collar, trying to remove it. Since he was human and had thumbs, I had no idea why he was having so much trouble.

"Home. You need to learn to stop running away. Frankie may start to put you in a cage soon or something," I said.

"But Kankuro—" I held up my hand to stop him.

"I know," I replied and pulled a thin rectangle from my pocket. "Here, knock yourself out." I really hope he wouldn't take that literally because it's much harder to move dead weight around town. It also tends to attract police attention, and that's not always a good thing, even when you say that they knocked themselves out. The police never believe you.

Mello devoured the chocolate bar before we even crossed the street from my block to Frankie's and we were only three houses down from the street.

"You have any more?" Mello asked when we were across the street.

I growled and jerked the leash forward, making Mello stumble. He took that as my answer.

"Where's Envy?" he asked. "Shouldn't you be out torturing him or something and not me?"

"I think he's at your house looking for you, except you were over at my house, so now I have to go and get him."

We turned the corner and were stopped by a throng of people a good ten feet away from her house. News reporters were at the front surrounding Frankie most likely and then neighbors and even people who didn't live around here were behind them, preventing us from going forward. What did Frankie do this time?

I tapped someone on the shoulder. They turned around and looked at me. She followed the leash to Mello who was now standing with his arms crossed.

"What happened?" I asked.

"What? Umm…look at the roof," she said, but didn't turn around.

I looked up at the roof and in the center of it there was the front end of a car sticking out. How the hell did Frankie manage to do that?

I heard the safety of a gun turn off. "Stop staring," Mello said. I turned back towards the chocolate lover and smacked him upside the head.

"Don't point your gun at innocent people!" I said. I lady took Mello's distraction and moved as far away as she could from him. "Use it to get us through the crowd and up to Frankie," I told him. "Have some common sense, really."

He started pushing his way through the crowd, pointing his gun at anyone who complained.

A police officer stopped us from getting any closer to Frankie and the reporters. The police officer drew his gun and pointed it at Mello, not seeing the leash connecting him to me. "Sir, please put the gun away," he said.

I hit Mello upside the head again. "Don't point your gun at police officers. They already want you for other things."

"Yes, Rebecca," he said and clicked the safety back on his gun and slipped it back in its holster.

"Please let us through," I said to the police officer, who was replacing his gun in its holster. "I need to return this," I set my hand on Mello's head, "to Frankie. He ran away again."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't allow you to pass."

"Mello!" Kankuro yelled from the other side of the police barrier.

"Shit," Mello said and tried to hide behind me.

"Oh, grow some balls, Mello. You have a gun."

"But he's a ninja with puppets that can kill you!" Mello protested.

"Good point."

"I'm not here to hurt you," Kankuro said. "At least not right now. Frankie told me to keep an eye out for you. Come on," he said and pulled Mello's wrist forward.

I followed with my hand still holding the leash.

"Mello!" Frankie shouted; glomping Mello sending him to the ground with Frankie on top of him and jerking me forward, making me fall on top of Frankie.

"Oh, hello, Rebecca," Frankie said. "Why are you on top of me?"

I held up the leash wrapped around my hand. She followed the leash down onto Mello's neck.

"Well, I'm glad that that collar and leash came in handy for more than just sex," she said in all seriousness. Disgusted I threw the leash down and hopped off my friend.

"You have weird habits, Frankie." She just smiled and unhooked the leash from Mello. "What are you doing? He'll just run away again."

"Just watch," she said and pulled a huge box of Cocoa Puffs from her back pocket. Don't ask me how she got a _huge_ three dimensional box in her pocket, because I have no idea. She opened the box and Mello perked up immediately. Frankie waved the box in front of his face a few times. "See the chocolate, Mello? Good, Fetch!" and she threw the box to the other side of the driveway. Mello went after it on all fours and grabbed the box in his mouth, circled in place a couple times and sat down, digging into his prize with his hand, stuffing a whole handful in his mouth. I just stared at him.

"How often do you do that?" I asked Frankie, jerking my hand to Mello.

"Quite often," she said. "It keeps him in one place for a while."

"Miss Samargin, Miss Samargin!" a reporter wearing blue jean overalls, a red and white striped t-shirt, and an orange scarf that was so long that it went down to her waist, said. The girl had short brown hair in a bob and large green eyes. She held a plastic microphone in her hand with a bright red cord that led down to the plastic play recorder strapped to her waist.

"What did I tell you about saying my last name out loud?" Frankie asked. "If Kira hears it, it only takes a little searching to find my full first name."

"I'm sorry, Frankie. Everyone wants to know, how _did_ you get that car through the roof?" she asked, speaking into the microphone. She pushed the plastic device into Frankie's face.

"I was given strict orders," Frankie said. "I was only doing what I was told to do. 'Kay... You wanna know the truth?" Frankie asked. "I was trying to get into my drive way reverse and Odd put his hands over my eyes..."

"That still doesn't answer how you got onto the roof," the reporter said.

"I see something moving in the car!" some woman shouted from the crowd.

I saw a figure moving in the car, trying to get higher up. The figure had long hair that was stuck to his head and he was trying to break the front windshield. I narrowed my eyes.

"Frankie, where's Envy?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said.

"Who was in the car with you?"

"Odd," she replied.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"…No."

I looked back up at the car. The car seemed to be leaking water.

"How is the car filling up with water?"

"Broken gas pipe in the ceiling."

"Gas turns into water?"

"Yes."

A hand punched out of the windshield followed by a head and a sopping wet body.

"Frankie! You almost drowned Envy!" I shouted at her.

"I didn't mean to do it, I swear! Blame the underpants gnomes!"

Envy jumped off the roof and landed lightly on his feet. He walked over to us, dripping as he walked.

"You. Bitch," he growled. "I almost died!"

"You can't kill that which is already dead, Envy," she said wisely. "And last time I checked, you haven't been alive in over four hundred years."

"Couldn't you have just turned into a fish?" Kankuro asked.

"Where would his gills have come from?" Frankie asked. "Because his penis came from his feet and his hands aren't big enough to hide gills."

"Oh, not this conversation again," I groaned.

"Mello!" Near shouted.

Mello looked up from his box of Cocoa Puffs.

"What?" he asked with his mouth full.

Near stalked towards him. "You're supposed to be planning the kidnapping of Sayu Yagami with the mafia! Not eating chocolate!"

"But chocolate is my life~!" Mello whined.

"I don't care, Mello, do your job," Near scolded.

Mello jumped up and pounced on top of Near, pinning the albino under him.

"AHHHH, MELLO!!! I'm straight! Stop trying to appease the yaoi fangirls!" Near shouted, his arms failing every which way. Mello sat up, so now he was straddling Near's hips.

"I just wanted to ask you if I had any chocolate on my face," Mello said innocently.

"Mello!" Kankuro yelled.

"What?" Mello asked.

Kankuro shrugged. "I don't know. I just felt like yelling your name since everyone else was doing it."

"So, if everyone jumped off a cliff, you would do it too?" Envy asked, still dripping wet.

"Umm…well, if you put it that way—"

"Envy, stop annoying my husbands," Frankie scolded.

"Frankie, stop lecturing my husband," I said.

"Oh my god, guys, look!" Wrath said, running up to us with a rubber fish you get out of those twenty-five cent machines at restaurants.

"Shit, who brought the hyperactive munchkin in here?" Envy asked.

"I did," I said.

"How?" Envy asked, one hand on his hip.

"I'm writing this story," I said, waving on hand in the air to emphasize my point.

"What?!" Frankie yelled. "Do you know how much damage you made to my house?! I have to pay for it all and now I'm broke because that used up all my hobo money and now I can't pay to go to Acen!"

"Ummm oops," I said.

"You made Mello almost rape me!" Near shouted.

"He glomped you, big difference," I said.

"The only difference is that there are clothes involved in glomping," Mello said.

Frankie, Mello, Near, and Envy were slowly creating a circle around me.

"Actually, there are clothes involved in rape and in glomping. In rape, they come off the body and in glomping…they just sorta stay where they are," I explained.

"Unless, of course," Frankie said, "if both parties involved in the rape/glomp are naked, then no clothes are involved at all."

"Right you are, Frankie," I said.

"I would suggest you start running now," Envy said. And when Envy says run, you run, and as fast as you possibly can.

I put up a good chase around the neighborhood for about five minutes before my legs gave out. Thankfully, I wasn't in the middle of the street. The four of them surrounded me.

"Please have mercy, guys," I begged.

"You should have thought of that before you wrote what happened to us," Envy said.

"Does it help me in any way if I tell you guys that I question my sanity when I write these stories?"

"No," Near said. Why were two of my husbands after me?

"Wait," Mello said. "If Rebecca is writing this, can't she just change the ending to how she mfff?" Frankie's hand covered his mouth.

"Shut up, Mello," she hissed. "Don't give her ideas that will—"

"Would you like some more tea, L?" Mello asked. He was dressed in a knee length black dress with a purple slip underneath. He also had on black elbow length gloves and a black choker necklace. His blond hair was done up in a bun with a pretty scrunchie to hold it up and bangs framed his face.

"Yes, of course, Mello," L responded. L was wearing a blue knew length dress with a shear tutu like thing over the bottom half of the dress. He had a small princess crown atop his head and his hair was pulled back with a sparkly clip. A braid of hair adorned each side of his face along with bangs and a few clips placed here and there throughout his hair.

Mello poured some more tea into L's teacup and L piled sugar cubes into it.

"Near," Envy asked. "Are you okay?"

Near was sitting below a window that looked like it had a rock thrown through it, crying. "Optimus isn't a girl," he sobbed.

Envy looked through the window and saw L and Mello dressed in dressed with a bunch of Near's toys around dressed as girls.

"Can I join you?" Envy asked.

"Of course, Vy," Mello said.

Envy broke more of the window and climbed through. He shifted his clothes to a form fitting dark purple cocktail dress, much like Sloth's, only shorter. His hair was half up, half down and curled slightly, still a green tint. His signature headband gone and replaced with delicate diamonds in a line along his forehead.

"Oooh, your dress is just gorgeous, Vy," L said.

"Why thank you, L," Envy said.

"What's wrong, Near?" Frankie asked, walking up to the crying albino.

"Optimus not a girl," he said in a broken sob.

"What are you—oh," Frankie said, looking in the window and seeing L, Mello, and Envy in the midst of having a tea party.

She snapped a picture of the three and stored the Polaroid in her pocket and vowed to post it on every site she could find. She sat at the window and took many more pictures throughout the day, just watching and taking pictures.

"Do you know how stalkerish that sounds?" Ian asked me, looking at my computer screen. I shrugged.

"What's your point?" I asked. I swiveled to face him. "I saved myself from getting beaten to a pulp and Frankie got blackmail on L, Mello, and Envy. Everything is right in the world." I leaned back in my chair, resting my hands on my lap.

"And yet," I said. "I feel as if I forgot something."

"Guys," Kankuro said, trapped in a vast white void. "A little help, guys. Anyone? Why the hell did Rebecca leave me in the random void of nothingness? Hell, I would've liked it better as part of the tea party. It's lonely here!"

"You're never alone when you have me," Wrath said, popping out of the puppet on Kankuro's back.

"Ahhhhh!" And Kankuro was not seen for a while and when he was found, he had to be put into therapy for a few good months before he was back and making puppets that killed people. Of course, he was never fully the same.

As for Wrath, he started to work at a whore house selling drinks and got AIDS from some wealthy business man and died two weeks later.

_Fin._

**Well, half of this story wrote itself and the beginning half came out of an icon I found and posted on facebook. C/O list:  
Mello: Death Note (Frankie hubby #1)  
Kankuro: Naruto (Frankie hubby #2)  
Frankie: my friend, duh  
Envy: Full Metal Alchemist (my hubby #1)  
Odd: Code Lyoko…love that show  
Underpants gnomes: South Park…they steal underwear  
Near: Death Note (my hubby #2)  
Wrath: Full Metal Alchemist…he's another homunculi  
L: Death Note…I own him, I think  
The outfits Mello and L are wearing: its from an icon/comic thing that Frankie sent me a long time ago where Mello and L are dressed up as girls and they stole Optimus and dressed him in a little hat. Near threw a rock through the window and yelled at Mello  
Optimus: one of Near's toys  
Ian: Love at Stake series (my hubby #3)**

**Hope you liked, review please. And I really do question my sanity when I write these.**

**Also, it's stampede wen i post this one. Stampede is rly fun just fyi. ^_^**


	11. Pigboils?

**Written by me (Rebecca).**

_Pigboils...?_

It was a nice and sunny day at Pigboils Academy for Magic and Magicians. It was sort of like Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, only it wasn't. It was also located on the peak of Mount Everest. Many students die every year on the trip up to the school because they have to hike their way up and they are not allowed to use any magic, even if they are of age.

Now, the subjects taught at this school are a quite unorthodox compared to Hogwarts, but useful and things they will need to know when doing shows. Did I say shows? I meant work.

Now, up at Pigboils is where we find myself, Rebecca, Frankie, Gluttony, Ed, and Al.

"Why didn't you include any of my husbands?" Frankie asked from offstage.

"Kankuro is still in that void and Mello is at his tea party," I told her.

"What about Rewind…or Laszlo!?" she asked frantically.

"Rewind just won't fit into this fic and I quote 'it was a nice and _sunny_ _day_'. Laszlo would die and be in his death sleep. Why do you think Ian isn't up here? Besides neither is Near or Envy. Now can I _please_ get back to my story?" I asked.

"Yes, writer director person."

Now, as I was saying, we are all at Pigboils. We find myself and everyone else in Conjuring Class.

"Get the crap on stage," I hissed to the group. They rushed into the classroom and took their places at their desks.

The teacher walked in. The teacher was young, only in his early twenties and had short brown hair. He was wearing a black and white pinstripe vest over a white long sleeve shirt and black pants and shoes. He had a black top hat on with a red ribbon wrapped around right over the brim. His cape had different playing cards and two groups of flowers on the inside of it and tied with a string at his neck. He had a black plastic magicians' wand in his hand.

I should also mention that the students and teachers are not called wizards, witches, students, or professors, but instead, magicianents, magicianets, magicians in training, and magician. It's very confusing and takes a lot more to say.

"Then why even bother writing it?" Frankie asked.

"Are you going to criticize everything I write?" I asked, my hands on my hips.

"I'm still not over the fact that you put Mello in a dress and Kankuro into therapy."

"Oh, get over it!" I said.

"Ok, I'm over it," she said. Ah, the power of being the writer.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, the teacher walking in.

"Hello, magicians-in-training, to Conjuring Class!" the teacher said. "I am your magician, Magician Diet Coke."

I leaned back from my computer and covered my eyes with my hand, laughing. Oh, god, what the hell is wrong with me?

Back to the story, Magician Diet Coke, MDC for short, walked to the front of the room and wrote his name on the board.

"Now, today we are going to be learning how to pull a rabbit out of a hat."

Frankie raised her hand.

"Yes, uhh person in the front with short hair who I can't tell the gender on," MDC said.

"It's Frankie, and I'm a girl," Frankie said.

"Okay, Frankie, what do you want?"

"How will pulling a rabbit out of a hat help us later in life?"

"It just will, now," he pulled two boxes out from under his desk. "Come and get a hat and a rabbit."

Everyone went up and collected their hat and rabbit and went back to their seats.

"Now locate the false bottom in the hat," MDC said.

"My hat doesn't have one!" Ed said.

"Transmute one, then, you idiot," MDC said.

"You can't insult the students!" I yelled from my post.

"You wrote it not me. Now, place your rabbit in the hat." Everyone did just that. "Line up." Everyone was pushing and shoving trying to form a line. Five minutes later everyone was silent and standing still.

MDC facepalmed. They were in a circle.

"I said _line_ you dipshits, not _circle_."

"I didn't know you could make a circle out of four people," Ed said.

"You can't, nii-san, that's a square," Al said.

"Isn't Rebecca supposed to be here at Pigboils?" Frankie asked.

"I am at Pigboils," I said. "I'm just not in your class."

"Then where are you?" Frankie asked.

"Computer class," I said matter-of-factly.

"Gluttony hungry," Gluttony said, a finger in his mouth.

"Not, right now, tub of lard," MDC said. "Face me, guys, good. Now, when I tell you, take your hat, show it to the invisible people in front of you, make sure the false bottom isn't falling out, turn the hat back towards you, wave your hands over the opening and say '_Abra Kadabra_' and pull out the rabbit." He pulled out a fluffy white bunny.

"Abra Kadabra sounds like Avada Kedavra," Frankie said.

"Shut up, you," MDC said. "Okay, Frankie, because you seem to like to make fun of Pigboils, you can go first."

She waved her hand over the opening. "Abra Kadabra," she said and pulled out the bunny.

"Good, good. Now, Al," MDC said.

"Abra Kadabra," he said and pulled out a brown tabby kitten that looked strangely like Professor McGonagall.

"Al, how did your rabbit turn into a cat?" MDC asked.

"I didn't have a rabbit, I had a cat," Al said.

Al was scratching the cat behind the ears before it jumped off his lap and transformed into none other than Professor Minerva McGonagall of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"Magician Diet Coke, I need for you to stop summoning me to this school," she said. "It is a disgrace to the wizarding world as a whole, now good day." She apparated away.

MDC rubbed his temples. "Okay, Gluttony, your turn."

"Abra Kadabra," he said and pulled out nothing but air. He stuck his head into the hat and looked for his rabbit. "Bunny gone," Gluttony said.

"Where did it go, tub of lard?"

"Gluttony ate."

MDC growled. "Ed, go," he said.

"Abra Kadabra," he said and pulled out a write rabbit that was stained with bright red blood and its guts were falling to the floor.

"What did you do?" MDC asked.

"Uh well you see, it was the Killer White Rabbit and it tried to kill me, so I killed it," Ed explained.

"We need the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!" Frankie shouted. "…where is it?"

"Gluttony ate."

"God damn it, Gluttony," Frankie muttered, facepalming.

"It's already, dead, Frankie," I shouted over to her.

"How would you know?" she shouted back.

"I wrote it, now, MDC, continue with the lesson, please."

"Umm, yeah, that was it, class dismissed," he said and threw a smoke bomb down. The smoke cleared and he was still standing in the same place. "Opps, I forgot I suck ate dramatic exits."

"Why am I even here?" Ed asks. "Magic doesn't exist, yet here I am 'learning' magic."

"Why did you put learning in quotes, nii-san?" Al asked.

"Do you call this crap learning, Al?"

"NI!" a knight who says 'ni' yelled.

"AHHHH!" MDC yelled. He then melted into a pile of goo like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Who by chance is a very nice lady. Elphaba just knows how to make that blueberry pie _just_ right, or was that the witch that lived in the gingerbread house in Hansel and Gretel?

You know, I don't care much for blueberry pie. Or any pie for that matter. I like oreo cookie pie though. That pie is really good. *drool*

"Ewwww, Rebecca!" Frankie yelled. "You're getting drool on the keyboard!"

I wiped my mouth. "Shut up, you," I said.

Suddenly, a black and white cow came running though the set.

"Okay, that's it," Frankie said, stomping off of the Pigboils set.

Nobody was even sure it was a set or not since there were no cameras and there were four walls and it was freezing cold in the room since it was in the middle of Mount Everest, and yet when you step outside the room, you aren't cold anymore.

Frankie stomped up to Rebecca and unplugged the computer from the wall.

"Hey!" I shouted.

"You need help," she said and proceeded to tie a blindfold and a gag on me. She tied my arms together and my legs.

Frankie threw me over her shoulder and brought me to an unknown location.

"Why is Rebecca bound and gagged over your shoulder?" Rewind asked. Are we somehow inside her backpack?

"She needs mental help," Frankie said.

"What did she do?"

"Have you read her oneshots recently? They are just plain insane!"

"Are you sure you aren't the one typing them, then, Frankie?"

"Of course not, Rewind, I would know if I was. Wouldn't I?"

"Not necessarily," Rewind said.

"Help me!" I yelled, but it sounded more like, "Mff mee!"

Frankie dropped me on the ground and took off my blindfold. I was in a puffy white room in the depths of Frankie's secret base/clubhouse thing behind that tree.

"Now," Frankie said. "You're going to sit here until you feel better."

"I feel fine," I insisted.

Frankie pulled some papers out in front of her and showed them to me. "These were the last couple of stories you wrote. You are _not_ okay." She walked out of the room and locked the door.

I pulled out my cell phone and called Ian.

"Can you teleport to me?" I asked.

"Where are ye?" he asked. The phone was plucked form my hand.

"Nuh uh uh," Frankie said, shaking her finger in a disapproving way. "The room has silver in all the walls by the way, so he wouldn't have been able to get in anyway."

I slumped in defeat and Frankie walked out of the room.

"How long are you going to leave her in there?" Rewind asked Frankie outside the room.

"Until she's normal again."

"Normal? Define normal?"

"I don't know. Just so her stories aren't so freaking random!" The duo walked away to play Brawl with Laszlo.

I still had my top hat from Pigboils on my head. I took it off and studied it for a second. I made sure the false bottom was still intact and waved my hand over the opening.

"Abra Kadabra!" I said and reached into the hat. I pulled out Magician Diet Coke who was in his bathrobe.

"I was about to take a bath, if you don't mind," he said.

"I do mind actually," I said. "I'm locked in this room, can you get me out?" I asked.

"Of course," he said. "Now hold on to my arm." I held onto the arm and he reached into a pocket of his robe and threw down a smoke bomb.

When the smoke cleared MDC wasn't wearing his robe anymore and all of his props were on the ground.

"God damn it. I hate when that happens."

"How often does that happen?" I asked.

"Too often," he said, still in his birthday suit. He picked up another smoke bomb and threw it, causing a big explosion.

…

Frankie walked up to the crater where the room used to be.

"You think she's alive?" Frankie asked, poking me with a stick.

"Not sure," Rewind answered, walking up. "Let's just leave her there and see if she wakes up later."

"Good idea," Frankie replied and walked away, leaving me in the giant crater.

MDC was never seen again and Rewind and Frankie both lost at Brawl to the computer who was playing as Kirby, while they were playing as Sheik and Pikachu.

_Fin._

**Yeah, I think is what happens when I finish school and the stress gets to me. *sweatdrops* C/O list:  
Pigboils: it's a parody of Hogwarts  
Hogwarts: Harry Potter, the main school (if you didn't know that, where have you **_**been**_**)  
Rebecca: me  
Frankie: my friend  
Gluttony: Full Metal Alchemist. Homunculi, eats everything  
Ed: Full Metal Alchemist. Main person  
Al: Full Metal Alchemist. Ed's younger brother  
Mello: Death Note (Frankie hubby #1)  
Kankuro: Naruto (Frankie hubby #2)  
Rewind: guy who lives in Frankie's backpack  
Laszlo: Love at Stake series (Frankie hubby #3)  
Near: Death Note (my hubby #1)  
Envy: Full Metal Alchemist (my hubby #2)  
Avada Kadavra: Harry Potter. Killing curse  
Professor Minerva McGonagall: Harry Potter. Transfiguration teacher  
Killer White Rabbit: Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It is what it says it is, a killer white rabbit.  
Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch: Holy Grail. It kills the Killer White Rabbit  
NI/ Knights who say 'Ni': Holy Grail. Can't really explain this one without seeming crazy  
Wicked Witch of The West/Elphaba: Wizard of Oz/Wicked. Elphaba is the witch's name in Wicked  
Witch in Hansel and Gretel: Hansel and Gretel duh. She lives in a gingerbread house and tries to eat the kids  
Frankie's clubhouse thing: read her oneshot…Al's Secret Part Two  
Ian: Love at Stake series (my hubby #3)  
Brawl: Super Mario Smash Brothers Brawl. Video game for Wii  
Kirby/Sheik/Pikachu: characters in said game**

**This list took up half a page…that's really sad. Imagine if this oneshot was any longer. XD**

**Review Please and more craziness will be delivered.**


	12. Marriage

**Written by me (Rebecca). Well, me and Recia were texting each other and this story came to mind. Recia is pronounced Ree-see-ah…not Ree-**_**shee**_**-ah or some other messed up way. Sorry, there are no anime characters in this. This is dedicated to Recia (and I'm being nice by posting this even tho u havent commented on the other two chaps!!, so comment on them please and make me happy!!)**

_Marriage_

Two friends, Rebecca and Recia, were walking through beautiful Paris at night just enjoying the pretty sites. They were passing under the Eiffel Tower when Recia just suddenly ran off with a huge goofy smile on her face.

She had seen the love of her life, Jean-Luc Echarpe. The only problem is that he was showing his new fiancé, Heather Westfield, around the city of his birth. Although, his birth was about five hundred years ago.

Recia ran up to the couple and wrapped her arms around one of Jean-Luc's.

Jean-Luc tried to pry her off but it wasn't possible without breaking her arm. Heather glared at her.

"Shit," Rebecca said running up to her friend and started to try and pull Recia away from Jean-Luc. Recia was still looking at Jean-Luc with a dreamy look on her face. "I'm terribly sorry," Rebecca grunted, finally pulling Recia away and she started to drag the lovesick girl away from the happy couple, "about this. She gets like this sometimes and we're trying to find a cure. Goodbye," Rebecca said.

Recia finally snapped out of her daze. "NO!" she shouted. "I love you Jean-Luc and you can't marry this _bitch_ because you're already married to me," she said and crossed her arms, just daring them to fight her.

"What are you talking about?" Heather asked rudely.

"We got married in marvelous Las Vegas."

"Las Vegas?" Heather asked in disbelief.

"Three years ago, Jean-Luc here was on a business meeting and he got a ah hem little drunk and I was there and one thing led to another and then we're married!"

"Oh!" Rebecca exclaimed. "So, _that's_ Jean-Luc."

"Well, duh. How did you not see that? He's a vampire for peats sake," Recia said.

Heather gasped. "How did she know?"

"I think she knows a lot about me...more than I want her to," Jean-Luc responded.

"I was more concerned about collecting you and getting as far away from the embarrassment as possible, not who you were hugging," Rebecca told Recia.

"Listen, Recia," Jean-Luc said. "I'm flattered that you love me, but it's just I don't feel the same way about you and you signed the divorce papers the day before I left Las Vegas."

"I don't remember signing any papers," Recia said.

"You were drunk when you signed them," he explained. "Please don't make me get a restraining order on you."

Recia was silent for a minute. "Yeah, well, you know what, Jean-Luc? You—you're just a whore!" Recia exclaimed and stormed off. Rebecca's shoulders slumped as she sighed and walked off after her friend.

"That was strange," Heather said.

"Yes, yes it was," Jean-Luc responded.

_Fin._

**C/O list:  
Recia: my friend  
Jean-Luc: Love At Stake series (Recia hubby #1)  
Heather: Love at Stake series…married to J-L in the books**

**I've had this one written for a while and at first I wasn't going to put it in the Yaoi Club oneshots cuz wen I started this, they didn't exist, but now I shall add this to that because it the characters are from a book.**

**Well, that's it. Please review. THAT MEANS YOU, RECIA!!!!!!!! ^_^**


	13. Who the Heck?

**Written by Frankie. This gives spoilers for FMA anime!**

_Who the Heck?_

Now this little bit will mainly consist of me, Frankie, ranting on and on 'bout the Homunculus. Who would want to bring them back? Now bare with me here. It's two in the morning and I can't sleep since I'm seeing my cousins soon. So if info is messed up deal with it!

Lust: She was brought back since Scar's brother was madly in love with her. He then went to the taboo of the alchemy world.

Pride: We don't really know who brought him back, but he does have that 'leader' look. The kinda guy you would want to follow into war.

Greed: I don't recall if his 'coming back' was mentioned. He is sexy. That is why he was brought back. The sexy in the world had died along with Greed and Justin Timberlake brought the sexy back. Now we know where it went. Thank you Justin.

Wrath: The Elric's Sensei was desperate to bring back her child and gave into the taboo. He also was destined to have awesome hair. Just below the level of Teru Mikami's hair, but he had the potential to make it to said level.

Envy: His parents tried to bring him back and he did. I'm not writing anything else for that dude. -_-;

Sloth: Quote-unquote, " We wanted to see our mother smile again." I believe Al said this but Ed could have easily said the same thing. This is how the whole series started.

Gluttony: This is were I really start ranting. Who the hell would want to bring this guy back?!?! Was a restaurant going out of business and they were like ," Shit! What are we going to do!? After out best customer died we have been going down the hill of doom!" and one guy was like, " I have an idea!" Or gluttony is really L in disguise and he just really got into character… Or he has been eating a crap load of lard and butter. Don't get me wrong I love Gluttony! He is so cute! He is my cannibal teddy bear.

**C/O list:  
Homunculus, Lust, Pride, Greed, Wrath, Envy, Sloth, Gluttony, Scar, Al, Ed: FMA  
Teru Mikami, L: Death Note**

**Just to let you know, Frankie…I love how you only used people from two animes. XD**


	14. Cosplay

**This was written by me (Rebecca).**

_Cosplay_

I giggled happily and spun around in little circles in front of the mirror. I hugged by clothes close to me. I was wearing white pants, a white t-shirt, and a white button up top that was undone. I looked exactly like Near, but without the hair.

"_Why_ does she have to be an otaku?" Ian moaned and banged his head on the table repeatedly.

"It does make things interesting around here, though," Envy said placing a hand on his hip.

Ian slammed his head back on the table. "I'm stuck with an otaku, an albino, and a cross gender palm tree. Why couldn't the one that owns me be normal?"

"Would you rather be with Frankie?" Envy asked, both hands on his hips and leaning towards Ian, getting right in his face.

Ian sat up and waved his hands in front of his face that was paler than before. "No, I'm fine here."

Envy laughed, leaning away from the vampire. "I thought so."

I started looking under the couches and tables for the object I needed to make my cosplay complete.

"Rebecca," Envy said. "What are you looking for?"

I looked up and saw Envy and Ian staring at me. I looked back down and started flipping up couch cushions and looking under them.

"Near," I said.

"You're looking for near?" Ian asked confused.

"Not near, Near," I said. Ian was still confused. "The person!"

"Ohh! I didn't know he was back."

"I think he's up in his room," Envy said.

I looked up at him and smiled. "Thanks, Envy." I walked towards the stairs and stopped halfway there. I turned back towards him. "Do you happen to have a pair of scissors?"

"Here," Envy said and handed me a pair. "What do you need them for," he asked as I walked upstairs.

"I still need a wig for my cosplay. I'm gonna use Near's hair, so it looks authentic."

"Did I just make a huge mistake by telling Rebecca where Near was and giving her a pair of scissors?" Envy asked.

"Hello, Near," I said. Envy and Ian could hear me from downstairs.

"Hi, Rebecca." He looked at my clothes and started backing up. "Do you need anything?"

"I'm missing a wig for my cosplay. Could I borrow your hair?" I asked and pulled out my scissors from behind my back. I lunged at Near, but he ducked under my hand and out the door. He ran past Envy and Ian and out the front door with me following.

"Yes," Ian said, "you just made a huge mistake."

I chased Near down the street. He was heading towards Frankie's secret clubhouse located behind my old elementary school.

Unfortunately for us, it was a Wednesday and it was also lunch time recess for grades three through five.

The teachers on recess duty were all staring at Near as he ran under the gates from the back parking lot with me following a little ways behind him with a pair of scissors in my hand. We must've looked like quite the pair. Completely white clothes that look strangely similar, one with bleach white hair and the other chasing him with red hair and scissors.

"Near!" I yelled. He ran into the small field behind the school towards the entrance tree to the clubhouse. "Come back!"

"Get away from me!" Near shouted back and ran through the soccer game that was going on in the field.

"No! I need a wig for my cosplay!"

Near reached the tree and climbed in, the door closing behind him. The kids that were standing around the tree looked at it in wonder.

Frankie recently changed the passcode and I didn't know it yet. Near must've found out from Mello.

I banged on the trunk of the tree with my fist. The teachers were quickly catching up to where I was.

"Frankie! Open up!" I yelled. "I need to get to Near before he gets too far!"

"Okay, okay!" Frankie yelled from inside her clubhouse. "I'm _coming_!" The kids back up from the ominous and creepy voice coming from the tree. Frankie opened the door and I pushed past her into the clubhouse.

"You really have to fix that speaker system, it sounds really creepy."

"Why do you think I do it?" Frankie asked. "Near went towards the fireplaces."

"Thanks," I said and ran full speed towards the room with at least ten fireplaces in it.

There was one fireplace that still had green flames in it. I stepped onto the fire and was immediately pulled to wherever Near was.

It was dark with swirly lights that spun around me as I made my way to my destination. I dropped onto the damp floor and looked around. It looked like I was in some sort of circular room with no door or windows. I looked up and saw a bright light. It wasn't really white per say, but a murky yellow that could only come from candles.

I reached my hand up and gasped when I could grab onto the edge of the hole of light. I pulled my head out of the hole and used my other hand to push myself up and out.

I tumbled out and onto the dirty floor. I looked back towards what I came out of and saw that it was a cauldron of some sort and there was a bunch of kids staring at me.

"What is the meaning of this?" a voice asked from behind me. I turned around and saw Professor Snape glaring at me.

I stood up and brushed dirt off my pants. "I'm just chasing Near," I told him. "Did you see which way he went?"

"Who?" someone else in the room asked.

I turned towards them. "White hair, same clothes as me."

"He went that way," a girl said and pointed towards the door.

I picked up my scissors and ran out the door. "Thanks," I shouted back to the Potions class.

I saw him turning on the spot in the entrance hall trying to figure out which way to go.

"Oh, Ne~ar!" I sang. He spun around, his eyes wide.

"Get away from me," he said, backing up a few steps.

"Don't be like that," I said and started running towards him to grab him.

He felt the wall behind him, finally grasping the door knob that lead into another classroom. He pushed it open and ran it, shutting the door firmly behind him. He had his back to the door and he was breathing heavily.

I ran into the door with all my might, trying to open it again.

"Near!" I yelled, banging on the door. "You can't hide from me forever. I know you're in that room and that there's no other exit! Now come out and we can do this the easy way!"

"Go away!" Near yelled back.

"Excuse me," Professor McGonagall said to Near.

Near looked up and had to press his weight more firmly to the door to keep me from barging in.

"I'm sorry for this," he said to her. "I've been running from Rebecca for a while now and she chased me out of my room at home. I ran towards Frankie's underground clubhouse hidden behind the tree and jumped in the first fireplace in the teleport room that's next to the room that has the mountain of paper plates and then I came out of some kids' cauldron down in the dungeon." He paused. "I didn't realize how crazy that sounds until right now," he mumbled to himself.

McGonagall walked towards Near. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave," she said and pulled the door open.

"No don't!" Near said, but it was too late. I burst into the room brandishing the scissors.

"Near, stop running," I cooed. "It'll be much less painful if you just stop running."

"Never!" Near shouted and ran back out the door before I could jump him. I followed him out the main doors and towards the forest.

He ran in and I almost followed him, but just as I was about to step into the forest he burst out ten yards away from me on the back of a giant spider. I could only stare.

"Go get her, boy!" Near yelled, jumping off the back of the giant spider and sat on the ground with a giant lego house around him.

The spider came at me and I screamed. I ran in the opposite direction, but the spider was faster. I guess eight legs were faster than two.

The spider caught up to me and the front two legs grabbed me around the waist and hugged me. I couldn't breath.

Near watched as Rebecca turned blue, and then very pale. The spider dropped her and poked her once before walking away.

Near stood up and padded over to her and felt for a pulse. Nothing.

"Kuso," Near said. He picked up a lego shovel that he made last week. He had this feeling that he would need it. He was right.

Near dug a hole in the ground and pushed Rebecca's body in and covered it back up. He walked away from the freshly made grave with dirt covering the majority of his clothes and hair.

Near walked into the house and placed his shovel on the ground.

"Oi, Near!" Envy said, walking into the living room.

Near stopped and looked at the homunculi.

"Where's Rebecca?" Envy asked.

Near looked away and started padding up the stairs.

"What was that about?" Ian asked.

"I don't know. Any idea why he was covered in dirt?"

"There was a grave digging party for zombies at the cemetery. Maybe he was there."

"You're probably right," Envy said, walking back into the kitchen. "I only hope she gets home soon. The chocolate parfait she's baking smells burnt to me."

_Fin._

**Haha, I killed myself off XD C/O list:  
Near: Death Note (my hubby #3)  
Ian: Love at Stake series (my hubby #1)  
Envy: Fullmetal Alchemist (my hubby #2)  
Frankie: if you need an explanation for her, then you've been living under a rock  
Mello: Death Note (Frankie hubby #1)  
Professor Snape/McGonagall: Harry Potter  
Giant spider: Harry Potter…its just a lot more tame XD  
Chocolate parfait: according to Wikipedia, Envy likes them XXD**

**Until next week faithful reader…that should be plural shouldn't it? I mean, I have two readers…Frankie and Recia XD. I need more TT_____TT Next week, _Will the Real Father Please Stand Up?_**


	15. Will The Real Father Please Stand Up?

**Written by Frankie.**

_Would the Real Father Please Stand Up?_

POV Rewind

" Rewind… Could you get me the hot pad…?" Frankie's meek voice makes it way through the wooden door separating us. I quietly open her bedroom door and creep towards the nearest outlet, already armed with the pad.

"What is this? A cave?" I pull my sleeves down of my hoodie. I take a quick look 'round the room. All the windows down, TV tuned in on Avatar, fan on the highest level, and all lights off. Frankie has practically imprisoned herself in quilts.

" Tell me what's wrong." I breathe out and plug in the hot pad. Frankie's hand creeps out of the quilts and takes the pad.

" I am of child." She plainly states and returns her attention to the fire bending on the telly.

" May I ask who the lucky fellow is?"

" Ain't that rude? If you don't leave soon my pregnant hormones will kick your arse." With that final statement from Frankie, I quickly retreat the room.

********* One Awkward Meeting in the Club House Later********

" So are you saying that Frankie's pregnant?" Black Star ask from his place at the end of the Hexagon Table.

" That's exactly what Rewind's saying! Were you not paying attention?!" Kankuro jumps from his seat in frustration. Keiichi pulls down Kankuro back to his seat.

" So she refused to tell you who the father is. We can always take a DNA test", Iggy says as he blankly stares at the table ,"You said you saw Frankie's mum bring her sleeping pills before you left, right?"

" Don't forget the baby hasn't been born yet. Rewind said she only seemed 'bout few weeks in." Gasman points out.

"The baby clearly belongs to me. I am one of her husbands' after all." Mello chirps in. Greed and Matsuda threw Mello a death glare that could kill.

"Laszlo don't even say the baby's yours because you're a husband too!" , In the corner of my eye, Laszlo slowly lowers his hand, disappointment plastered on his face. "I'm her first husband! Must be me!", Kankuro brutally yells at the top of his lungs.

"Jack is the father. He looked very satisfied when I passed him in the hall." Sasori raises his puppet hand.

" Yes! I knew it was me!" Jack Spicer throws his fist in the air in triumph.

" He said Jack you idiot! He obviously meant the all famous Capitan Jack Sparrow!" Jack points a dirty finger in the other Jack's direction.

"Me! Me Jack!" The Jack from 'The Black Tattoo' appoints himself.

" Jack as in Jack the Cat. You know how horny that cat is." With no emotion Sasori breathes out the words.

" I might be the dad! Just 'cause Becca and Frankie are having trouble with custody on me doesn't mean I'm not the dad! Besides~, everyone knows I love a high school girl." Shigure throws in his statement. Suddenly the whole room is in an uproar of who is the father. Out of nowhere the fish from Spongebob that does the news pops up.

" It appears Gasman, Iggy, and Deidara have teamed up and are now creating bombs! Sasori and Kankuro are teaming up on the Jacks! Greed is ripping out Mello's perfectly groomed golden locks! This just in, Keiichi has swallowed Kenny whole! You bastard! Raimundo, Black Star, and Shinigami-Sama are bitch slapping Shigure and Beast Boy! Inuyasha has killed Kenny once again—"

"Stop that damn announcing!" Lavi crushes the fish with his enormous hammer. Toon Link, Link, and Suigetsu proceed to cut up the remains of the fish with their swords.

"Stop! Everyone just stop! This is getting us nowhere fast!" Sokka exclaims from his place on top of the table.

"You're making Frankie sound like a giant slut." Ryoko also stands next to Sokka.

"I do say, that is not the appropriate image for young Frankie. More of… Bipolar Greek." V's voice echoes throughout the room. Everyone searches for him as heads turn left, right, and other directions. I spot him on one of the ceiling pillars sipping tea, or at least attempting to with his mask on.

"You're too noble of a man to be here V!" Leon yells with Nozomu Sensei in a mid-punch.

"I agree but this category of human nature is simply too curious for me to resist." V replies, he attempts another sip of tea until he finally gives up.

"What the hell is Nicolette doing here?!" Kotetsu screams, breaking the silence. He still has Chouji and Ryuk in a headlock. Nicolette stands in the middle of the room holding a large pillow.

" O' you see I had a dream like this and—" She's suddenly cut off.

" Get your ass out of here. Now." Venom nearly drips off Ulquiorra's words. When the hell did he show up?

" This is pointless. By Darwin's Law only the strongest will thrive." Laszlo squeaks from his place under a huge dog pile with Rorschach at the top.

" In other words, we need to get Lucy and Shion in here. Then whoever is the last to survive is the rightful father!" Roy and Hughes exclaim in excitement, Roy's finger in mid snap. Everyone in the room turns their head in his direction. The word 'seriously' hangs above the crowd.

" I have an idea." Kaoru finally speaks up.

***************One 'Kidnapping' Later*************

" Guys I still feel like crap, so if you could kindly let me go home~~" Frankie lays under the Hexagon Table cocooned in a quilt. Everyone has followed her lead and sit with anticipation 'round her.

" You can go home as soon as you tell us who is the father of your child." I place a warm hand on her shoulder. She slowly turns her head my way and opens her mouth 'bout to speak.

" I swear to all that is tofu if Tobi is the dad I'll do you the favor of punching your stomach." Beast Boy blurts out before Frankie can talk.

" You all do realize I haven't even slept with more than half of you guys?" Frankie states as she hunches over the floor. All the males create a loud murmur.

" She is right, I mean, I'm with her almost 24/7."

" It's true. Rewind does live in my backpack, pocket, and sometimes…" Frankie points a painted neon green finger at her cleavage. She then holds up five fingers representing something unknown.

" Five possible padres… The hubbies, Rewind, and Shigure—"

" Yeah, mothers! Take that—", Shigure nearly knocks over the table as he hits his head. "Damn that hurt!"

" What? As soon as I became an official freshman… He wouldn't stop singing!" Frankie throws as her defense. She places her hands on her head and lets out a deep sigh.

" This is giving me a headache, seriously. The truth is I'm having a food baby. Not a real baby." The whole room goes into an entire frenzy over the newfound information.

" I always have a food baby after Greek Christmas! You should know that by now…"

" Do you want a baby though?" Kankuro asks with a little hope and a smirk.

"Well—"

"Frankie should bear the child of a man who has surpassed God!" Black Star makes his way through the crowd and drags Frankie out from under the table.

" Wait a damn minute! That's my woman child you're taking!" Mello pulls out a gun from his pants and pursues the couple. What I really want to know is how Mello hid that gun in those pants…

"Rewind save me! I'm too young to be impregnated! Open the pod!" Frankie demands. I scurry over to the wall and punch in the password to activate it. I hear the rest of the group behind me start a riot. The pod appears out of the ground.

" Frankie get over—What is stuck to your braces? Did your mouth get stuck in the carpet again?" I point to the unknown green, purple, and neon substance in her teeth.

"Never mind that! Get in the pod!" She takes hold of my hand and drags me into the pod. Why do I have the feeling we're not alone?

" Hey Franks, what stupid situation are you in this time?" I turn 'round and see Timmy Turner and his Godparents floating 'bove him.

" I can explain… Zoe my goshness it's Cosmo!!"

" We have to get out of here! Timmy wish us out!" Wanda goes into a sudden frenzy.

" Why would I do that? They're just two idiots bonding." Timmy shrugs his shoulders and sits next to me on the metal floor.

" No really! The last time Frankie and Cosmo were together—"

"And that children is why the surviving human population had to settle on the moon." The soon-retiring teacher slowly closes the book and settles into her chair a little more relaxed. One of the boys in the back raises his hand.

" How did Mello hide a gun in his pants?" The young boy waits for an answer.

"Scientists are still trying to figure it out."

" What happened to them?" A small girl doesn't even bother to raise her hand.

" Her and Cosmo impregnated the other. Since he is a fairy and she a human, both double the baby count. Thus starting a revolution!" The teacher answers with a warm smile.

" The Earth filled with stupid human/fairy people now? But what will happen if they make a space ship to the moon?!"

" No worries little one. Lord Rebecca-Sama will protect us with her mystical alchemy—"

"And that children is why we live on Mars."

_End._

**Rotflmao. I'm scared, too, don't worry, we're helping Frankie. C/O list…Frankie made it. Good thing, too cuz I don't know who half those ppl were XD:  
Frankie: The chick who is stupid 'nough to write this.  
Rebecca: Meh buddy.  
Rewind: The little dude who lives in my backpack.  
Mello: Death Note. (hubby)  
Keiichi: Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni  
Timmy Turner: Fairly Odd Parents  
Cosmo: Fairly Odd Parents  
Wanda: Fairly Odd Parents  
Black Star: Soul Eater  
Greek Christmas: It is what it sounds like and my family Greek Christmas is crazy!!  
Food Baby: Nicolette, my cousin, coined this term.  
Laszlo: Love at Stake Series (hubby)  
Rorschach: Watch Men  
Jack the Cat: My tabby cat. We have a long history and he is a little 'happy' sometimes.  
Captain Jack Sparrow: Pirates of the Caribbean  
Jack Spicer: Xaolin Showdown  
Jack: "The Black Tattoo"  
Kankuro: Naruto (hubby)  
Beast Boy: Teen Titans  
Tobi: Naruto  
Sasori: Naruto  
Deidara: Naruto  
Gasman: Maximum Ride  
Iggy: Maximum Ride  
Shigure: Fruits Basket  
Roy: Full Metal Alchemist  
Greed: Full Metal Alchemist  
Hughes: Full Metal Alchemist  
Lucy: Elfen Lied  
Shion: Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni  
Raimundo: Xaolin Showdown  
Sokka: Avatar  
Lavi: D. Grey Man  
Inuyasha: Inuyasha… Duh  
Toon Link and Link: Brawl and other Zelda Games  
Ryoko: Soul Eater  
Kotetsu: Naruto, one of the special minor characters. Special 'cause he gets more attention than other minor characters.  
Ulquirras: Bleach  
Chouji: Naruto  
Ryuk: Death Note  
Flossmoor: The village I live in. Yeah, it is called the Village of Flossmoor!! We're too small to be called a town! Not only that, you pronounce Flossmoor as 'floss more'!! Seriously?!?  
Nicolette: My cousin  
Anouncer fish: Spongebob  
Shinigama-Sama: Soul Eater  
Kenny: South Park  
Matsuda: Death Note  
Suigetsu: Naruto  
Kaoru: Ouran High School Host Club  
V: V for Vendetta  
Leon: Resident Evil 4**

**Well, if you weren't laughing hysterically by the end of that, you have problems. hehehehe I'm 'Lord Rebecca-Sama'! ^_^ I'm gonna use that in one of mine XD**


	16. The Canoe trip

**This was written by me (Rebecca).**

_The Canoe Trip_

I was sitting in my house reading fanfiction and waiting for Envy to return from the task I told him to go do.

He walked in the front door and dropped the two squirming bags on the floor. The amount of obscenities that were coming from both bags would have made a sailor blush.

I looked up from my computer screen, down to the bags, and up to a smirking Envy. "Didn't I tell you to knock them out?"

"Well, that would have been no fun," Envy said. "I took away all their weapons and hog tied them. I thought about gagging them, but it was more fun to have the police wonder what the hell I was doing." He laughed.

"Idiot," I said. "Where are their weapons?"

"Back at Frankie's house."

"Are you sure you got all their dangerous pointy things and guns?"

"Yes. It took me ten minutes just to make sure they were both clean."

I nodded. "Alright, take them down to holding cell 1."

"There's a holding cell 1 in your house?"

"I had it built last night when Frankie told me to watch them."

Envy nodded and picked up the two bags, bringing the poor captured people to the holding area.

I followed a few minutes later.

Envy was leaning against the wall at the bottom of the stairs and proceeded to walk with me towards the holding cell.

"Why did you name it 'Holding Cell 1' if you only have one cell to begin with?"

"I was planning to have at least five, but the basement wasn't big enough, and I couldn't put the cells at ground level because then other people would see them and call the police. I don't need more restraining orders. It's hard to keep those people away from me."

"You know, it's illegal to kidnap people and lock them in your basement, right?"

"Says the person who has kidnapped Mello at least five times and locked in him the phone booth in my grandma's house. You're such a hypocrite."

"Am not. I'm an anime character as well, and a villain at that, so I have the right."

"Are too, and you have no such right."

"I kidnapped Al."

"Why do I like you again?" I asked.

"Like me?" Envy asked. "I thought you loved me. I'm hurt."

"Could the both of you shut the hell up?" Mello shouted from inside the cell.

"Seriously, you two bicker like an old married couple," Kankuro said.

"Well, Envy is old and Rebecca is—" Mello trailed off as I glared at him.

"Finish that sentence," I said. Mello was wisely silent.

I got a good look at Mello and Kankuro. Mello was held five feet off the ground by his wrists. His shoulders were about to pop out of their sockets and his hair was messier than normal. He was also wearing grey sweatpants and a loose white t-shirt. He didn't have any black on him, it was weird. Kankuro was strung upside down from the ceiling by his ankles. His arms were crossed in front of his chest and he was glaring down at me and Envy. He was wearing plaid green pants and no shirt. Instead of make-up on his face; he had a green exfoliate mask on. It looked like Envy pulled the duo from their night of relaxing.

"Why did you kidnap us and trap us in this cell?" Kankuro asked.

"I'd like to know that, too," Envy said. "Why _did_ you have me kidnap them?"

"Frankie told me to watch you guys while she, Rewind, and Laszlo went on a canoe trip with her church group or something."

"Watch, not kidnap," Mello said.

"There's a difference?" I asked.

"YES!" Kankuro shouted.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?" Mello asked me.

I spun around and bitched slapped him upside the head. "I took French, remember," I said. "I know what you said."

"I was counting on that," Mello said, smirking.

Kankuro just looked confused. "What did he say?"

"Will you sleep with me tonight," I told Kankuro.

He looked disgusted. "Um, no offence, Rebecca, but Frankie is the only one I'll have sex with."

I rolled my eyes and hit his head. "Baka! Mello said 'will you sleep with me tonight' in French."

Kankuro's mouth made an 'o' shape with understanding, but quickly turned into a frown. He turned towards Mello. "Why are you asking Rebecca that? I thought you were loyal to Frankie!"

"Hey," Mello said, "anything to try and get out of this prison cell."

"It's not a prison cell, it's a _holding_ cell."

"_Any_way," Mello said. "Will you?"

"No, you baka neko," I said.

"I'm not a stupid cat!" Mello shouted.

"Yes you are!"

"Then you're a towel!"

"You're a towel!" I shouted back.

Envy facepalmed and wondered how Rebecca passed her freshman year at high school.

"Kawarimi no Jutsu!" Kankuro yelled.

There was a poof of smoke and Mello was suddenly missing from where he was chained up. Kankuro was standing next to the holding cell—still inside, but Mello was now hanging from his ankles where Kankuro was previously.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Mello yelled, starting to panic.

"I knew I forgot something," I said. "I needed to put seals on Kankuro and separate his hands." I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand. "How could I be so stupid?"

Kankuro laughed and tried to grab the bars of the cell. I wasn't quite sure what he was going to do with the bar that was cemented into the floor and the ceiling and that was made one hundred percent of iron.

Kankuro yelped and yanked his hand back, rubbing it.

"What happened?" Mello asked. It was my turn to laugh.

"The bars are electrified!" Kankuro whined.

"Did you think I would just put up bars and not _do_ something to them?" I pointed a finger accusingly at Kankuro and wagged in slowly. "I know how sneaky you ninjas can be. I always have a back-up plan."

"How would you know how sneaky ninjas are?" Kankuro asked.

I placed my hands on my hips and slowly shook my head sadly.

"Poor, poor, naïve Kankuro. I'm a ninja, silly. Of course, I know how sneaky ninjas are."

Envy leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Since when have you been a ninja?"

"Since ever," I replied.

"What village are you from?" Kankuro asked.

"The only one that's actually _hidden_."

"Which one is that?"

"The Hexagon Village!" I shouted throwing up my hands.

"The what?"

"Exactly!"

Kankuro leaned over to Mello whose face was starting to turn red from the blood that was dropping into his head. "I think she's gone bonkers."

Mello nodded. "Can you get me down?"

Kankuro nodded and climbed up the wall behind them. He pulled a senbon from somewhere on his person and undid the shackles that were holding up Mello. Mello fell and landed on a big fluffy mattress that popped out of the floor. It disappeared as soon as it appeared.

"Where did he get that senbon?" I asked Envy.

"I'm not sure; there were no weapons on either of them when I brought them here," Envy said.

"But he can't just make things appear from thin air, right?"

"Not at all, but he did pull it out of somewhere."

"Right, I don't want to know."

"Me neither," Envy said.

"My head hurts," Mello said from the ground. One hand was clenching his head in pain.

"That's what you get for landing head first onto the stone ground, Mello," Kankuro said.

"When is Frankie getting back?" Mello asked.

"Ummm," I said. I looked down at my watch. "Five minutes."

"Oh, thank Kami," Kankuro said.

"I second that," Mello replied.

"Envy," I said. "Plan Qr7T5."

"Okay," Envy said and pulled a long piece of duct tape from the roll. Kankuro and Mello's eyes widened.

"Wha-what are you going to do with that?" Kankuro asked.

"Oh," I said, "You'll see." I smirked and walked back upstairs, letting Envy do his work.

Mello and Kankuro screamed bloody murder. I shook my head; and they call themselves a ninja and L's successor. They're nothing but wimps.

Five minutes later there was a knock on the front door. "Rebecca!" Frankie yelled. "Your doorbell doesn't work!"

"Envy!" I shouted down the stairs.

"What?" Envy shouted back.

"Bring them up to the Family Room and get them to stop screaming!"

"Alright." Envy came up a few seconds later with two unconscious bodies over his shoulders. He brought them over to the couch and woke them up.

I rolled my eyes and unlocked the door, allowing Frankie, Rewind, and Laszlo in.

"I trust that they were okay?" Frankie asked right away.

"Of course," I replied.

"Oh, and Akamaru ate that piece of tape on the doorbell."

"God damn it," I mumbled. "Come in, you guys. They're in the Family Room."

"They _were_ good, right?" Frankie asked. I nodded again and lead her and her little posse into the Family Room.

"We had such a _good_ time didn't we, boys?" I asked.

They nodded, their mouths taped shut. They also had thick rope wrapped around their arms, pinning their arms to their chests. Their legs were also tied together with the same thick rope.

"ASKRGHARIHTAIOWhtaieouthwpituhj vpuqyqergjoiaehrgoahrgjahejrgt;jah;ghr uthquirgh;qegriehqutiuhtuih43pth93hct19ht cuhx4iubg ubruy3bgiquhgitu47y3q975y093867298798cyp2835htpu53iphtpiuqh4pqtiuher c2iugt285ghr3ytiughuiqwh4tui3hyiuqtyg873q4ihtp89qy39874yehpurahtiuq54y3q7ig4htipq34yg!" Frankie yelled.

Laszlo pushed a button on a remote control and Frankie was pushed by some unknown force into the corner.

"NOOOO!" she shouted, "I don't want to go back to the corner!"

Frankie was silenced by the press of another button on Laszlo's remote control.

"What is that thing?" I asked him, leaning over to look at it closely, when Frankie was pouting in the corner.

"It's called The Push Frankie Into The Corner And Shut Her Up Magic Button button, or TPFITCASHUMB button," Laszlo explained.

"That's very long and hard," Envy said.

"That's what she said," I said and started cracking up. Kankuro started shaking with laughter along with Rewind. Laszlo snorted a few times, trying to hold in his laughs. Mello just pretended like he didn't know us and Envy glared at me. I just smiled innocently.

When we all calmed down, and Envy's killing intent—aimed only at me, mind you—mostly disappeared, I turned to Rewind. "What exactly did Frankie say?" I asked.

"Something 'bout how she was only gone for a week in the woods and there were 'bout 3 dudes she could have easily cheated on with while gone on said trip and resisted the urge and how could her loyal hubbies betray her and that the name Frankie usually translates to a mafia member doing the whacking or being whacked and she does have serious mafia blood in her relating to Al Pacino and she will brutally hurt them if a logical answer isn't submitted.... And she does have serious family relations to Al Pacino..... So watch yourself," Rewind explained.

"Ow, that hurt my brains," I said, rubbing my head.

Laszlo pressed the button again and Frankie turned around and walked out of the corner. Rewind turned to her.

"Did you learn your lesson?" he asked. Frankie nodded silently. "Good girl." He patted her head.

"Now," Laszlo said, "we will be going." Rewind untied Kankuro and Mello, leaving the duct tape on. They strapped Mello's leash on and left my house, leaving me alone with Envy.

Envy was patting down his clothes looking for something.

"What are you looking for?" I asked.

"Kankuro took my wallet. That god damn puppet master, he's going down," Envy all but growled. He ran out of the house, towards Frankie's house.

I was left alone in the room and looked around suspiciously. "Frankie," I said, "you're going to kill me know, aren't you?"

_Fin._

**Frankie asked me to watch them and I did my duty as a best friend. *smiles innocently* C/O list:  
Envy: Fullmetal Alchemist (my hubby #1)  
Frankie: my bestiest friend!!!! Who called me Lord Rebecca-Sama in her last oneshot. Me love her for that XD  
Holding Cell 1: I don't really have this in my basement…but I had to tie them up somewhere XD  
Mello: Death Note (Frankie hubby #1)  
Al: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Kankuro: Naruto (Frankie hubby #2)  
"You're a towel": South Park…from the episode 'Towelie'  
Kawarimi no Jutsu: Naruto. Change of Body Stance Technique. You switch yourself with something thats close to you ( you can switch wit another person). It's a basic ninja skill, so I'm assuming that the nins in Sand also know it.  
The Hexagon Village: If you can find where (or what) this place is, let me know, cuz I own the headband and I have a pic of it and I cant read the small writing below it. The symbol is a hexagon.  
Senbon: long needle  
Laszlo: Love at Stake series (Frankie hubby #3)  
Rewind: Frankie's dude that lives in her backpack  
Akamaru: Naruto. Kiba's dog/friend.  
What Frankie yells (her gibberish): she wrote that to me when I gave her a sneak peak of this chapter  
Rewind's translation: that's what he said her gibberish meant**

**School starts tomorrow (yes I said tomorrow) and I get my braces off today ^_^. Updates may come slower because I won't have as much time to write as I did before. I will NOT abandon this series of oneshots, I promise you! Until the next one…**


	17. The Chainsaw

**This one was written by me (Rebecca).**

_The Chainsaw_

"Envy! Come back here!" Ed shouted, running after Envy, his red coat billowing out behind him.

"No way!" Envy shouted back, turning his head to look back at the blond haired chibi. He never stopped running from the crazed chainsaw wielding alchemist.

Envy turned his head back around, his long green hair following across his face and streaming behind him.

He was running across the path at H-F High School. One second, he was running towards North Building, the next, he was staring up at the clouds. He knew that he didn't just decide to stare at the clouds like Shikamaru; he wasn't _that_ lazy.

A giant shadow fell over Envy. He propped himself up on his elbows and stared up at the large, metal Al.

"That hurt, Al," Envy said standing up. He shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked at Al.

"Sorry, Envy."

"RAAAH!" Ed screamed, rushing at Envy, chainsaw raised over his head ready to bring down and strike.

Envy knew that he wouldn't have time to leap out of the way before the chainsaw hit, so he shifted into Greed in his armor form.

The chainsaw bounced painlessly off his head, rebounded, causing Ed to lose what little control he had over the heavy metal thing, and started to chop up the tiny Elric.

"Ahhh!" Ed screamed in pain. "Help me, you bastards!"

Al stood with his mouth gaping and eyes wide—figuratively, of course, since, he's just armor. Envy was bent over, clenching his stomach, laughing.

"Hahahahaha, chibi-chan."

Ed was still running in terror and he ran downhill towards the Bio Pond, causing the chainsaw to fly into the pond.

Ed slumped back onto the path and collapsed: blood pooled around him.

"Brother?" Al asked.

Envy shifted the armor off and picked up a stick from the ground. He walked over to Ed and poked him in the side.

Al took out a piece of chalk and drew a very complex transmutation circle around Ed. He went through five pieces of chalk before he was done. It was a wonder that Ed was still alive.

Al bent down inside the circle and rested his hands on the edge of the circle, activating it with himself, Ed, and Envy inside.

**~~ In Konoha ~~ The Village Hidden in the Leaves ~~**

Tsunade stared at the bright blue light that showed up in the center of Konoha three days ago. It made all of the shinobi tense.

The blue light started to fade and three figures were there who weren't before: a giant metal…thing, a green haired girl, and a blond haired boy in a pool of blood.

"Hey, tin can, what was the big idea?" the girl yelled, standing up. Her green hair reached mid thigh and contrasted with her purple clothes and pale skin.

"I'm sorry, Envy. You weren't supposed to get stuck in the transmutation," the metal thing said.

Envy shrugged. "Whatever. Isn't Fullmetal shorty dying or something?"

The metal thing gasped. "Brother!"

Tsunade snapped out of her reverie and barked orders at the nins to get the blond kid to the hospital.

**~~ Elsewhere in Konoha ~~**

Jiraiya was walking towards the bathhouses to do more "research" when he was passed by a slender green haired girl. She didn't look like she could hold herself in a fight. She looked delicate and sweet, except for the angry scowl on her face.

Jiraiya stared at her lithe form walked away when he smiled perversely and ran ahead of the girl and leaned against the wall of a building.

"Why are you so angry, hime?" Jiraiya said.

The girl stared at him with a livid expression on her face. Her eyes lit up with recognition and Jiraiya thought he was going to be beaten to a pulp again, but instead, the girl walked up to him, swaying her hips. Jiraiya stared greedily. He never saw the smirk on the girls' face.

"My, my, my," she said. "I never thought I would run into the famous Toad-sannin, Jiraiya." She rested both her hands gently on his chest, pushing him closer to the wall. "I'm Envy," she said, one finger trailed down his chest.

"H-hi," he managed to choke out.

Envy giggled. She had such a beautiful laugh. "It's so cute when you stutter."

"R-really?"

"Mm-hmm." Envy nodded. "Although, you should know one thing."

"W-what?" Envy's finger kept trailing lower on his chest.

Envy slowly leaned over to Jiraiya's ear. "I'm a boy," Envy whispered seductively. Jiraiya just stared—shocked—at the retreating form of Envy.

**~~ Back in the real world far away from Konoha ~~ My backyard to be precise ~~**

A week later when the chainsaw was finally fished out of the Bio Pond, people were gathered around a freshly dug grave with a garbage bag sitting in it.

Patty was crying crocodile tears while Liz comforted her and Kid rolled his eyes. Near was sitting on the floor with his toys, Mello was eating chocolate, Matt was playing video games, Kankuro was messing with Shigure and Rewind, while Ian and Laszlo were talking about the upcoming war with Casimir. None of the guests were paying attention, except Patty and Liz.

Frankie and myself were standing next to each other, trying to hold back tears as we stared down the open grave.

I turned to look at the guests. "Do any of you want to say something?" I asked. A few of them jumped at my voice and looked confused, not really sure why me and Frankie dragged them all out here.

Frankie took a deep breath in and out. "I will," she said. She walked over to the other side of the grave and faced us. "It was a good chainsaw. It was always there if I needed it. I've had it since I stole it from Lord Rebecca-Sama four months ago."

"You did what now?" I shouted.

"I'll miss that chainsaw. I had so many fond memories with it. I remember this one time, I once cut off Envy's—well we _think_ it was Envy—arm at lunch one day. I just…I just wish…" She took off crying. Rewind ran after to comfort her.

No one else said anything and we buried the chainsaw in the ground in the backyard next to my old pet cat.

For some reason, Jack Fenton was watching the service through the bushes and thought that the dead and broken chainsaw would make an excellent ghost hunter tool called the Fenton-Ecochainsaw (patent pending).

So, with that in mind, Jack climbed over the bushes and fence that appeared around my backyard when he went towards it and dug up the chainsaw. He left the backyard with the garbage bag over his shoulder and a giant pile of dirt next to a hole. The fence disappeared when he walked away.

**~~At Fenton Works, Amity Park~~**

Lightening flashed in the sky and drilling sounds came from the Fenton's basement.

Jack was in the basement of his house replacing half of the chainsaw DNA with ghost DNA…somehow.

He screwed in the final screw and pulled the chord on the chainsaw, bringing it to life.

It vibrated off of the table and started to attack Jack. He ran towards the ghost portal, screaming. The chainsaw flew in the open portal.

**~~At H-F High School on G Path (the one that goes to G Building, stupid)~~**

All of us from the funeral, except for Mello, Near, and Matt were on the path walking towards North for Anime Club. Mello, Matt, and Near were working on the Kira case.

"Does anyone else feel like something bad is going to happen?" I asked. Everyone froze and looked at me.

"Rebecca, ye worry too much," Ian said. I stared at him like he was crazy. He was in the middle of a war and he's telling _me_ not to worry.

"Don't fret, Lord Rebecca-Sama, I'm sure you're just imagining things," Frankie said, throwing her arm over my shoulders.

"I feel it, too," Death the Kid said.

"DO NOT FRET, MY FRIENDS! I BELIEVE YOUR YOUTHFULNESS WILL AID AND PROTECT YOU!" Rock Lee shouted.

"**SHUT UP, LEE!**" we shouted back. He fell down from his nice guy pose and rolled into the Bio Pond.

"How does he just pop out of nowhere?" Kankuro asked.

"He's a ninja," Shigure said.

"I'm a ninja, too, and I can't do that."

"That just means he's better than you." Shigure smirked.

Kankuro shook his fist angrily. "Why you little—"

The rest of his sentence was drowned out by a green ball of lightening that appeared in the sky. Nobody moved.

The green ball expanded to the size of a small box from U-Haul. The sound of a motor got louder and louder.

The chainsaw flew out of the ball that immediately disappeared when the chainsaw was free.

It floated in mid-air for a few seconds before it stated chasing us. We high-tailed it back to South Building.

"I told you something would happen!" I shouted.

"Shut up, Rebecca," Kankuro said. "Just shut up!"

"Screw you, Kankuro!"

We finally got in the building, but the chainsaw flew through the window, shattering glass everywhere.

"Run, run, run," Shigure shouted. "Argue later."

We ran into the cafeteria and barricaded the doors with the lunch tables. The windows were chainsaw proof.

"I knew those windows would come in handy," Emily said. "I'm glad I installed them."

"Hi, Emily!" I shouted. Me and Frankie glomped our panda loving friend.

"Can't…breath…death…is…clo…………" Emily stuttered out. We let go and let her fall to the floor.

"Oh dear, I think we killed her," I said.

Frankie shrugged. "Oh, well." I "hmm"ed in agreement.

We sat down with the rest of the group at one of the lunch tables we didn't use for the blockade.

I spotted an empty closet off to the side of the caf and an idea popped into my head.

"Hey, Frankie," I said.

"What?" she asked, turning towards me with a stick of chocolate Pocky sticking out of her mouth.

I laughed at the image she created. "Guess who's in that closet over there?"

"Who?" She ate another stick of Pocky.

"Mello."

She froze and the box of Pocky and the one lone stick in her mouth fell onto the ground. She stood up and ran into the closet, closing the door behind her.

"I think she's going to need more than seven minutes," Shigure said.

I banged my head onto the table. "Why are you such a pervert?" I asked, my voice muffled by the table.

"Because high school girls are so innocent and beautiful.

"Shigure," Mello said. He came in though the kitchens. "Do I have to kill you for talking about Frankie that way?"

Shigure tilted his head to the side in confusion. "I thought she was a walking penis."

Mello pulled out a gun and pointed it at his head. He turned towards me. "Where is she?"

I pointed to the closet.

Mello turned back towards Shigure. "You are _not_ allowed anywhere near that door." Shigure nodded and Mello put his gun away. He turned back towards me. "Why is she in the closet?

"I told her that you were in there," I said.

"Why would you tell her that? You know how she gets." I shrugged and Mello sighed. "She hasn't come out in a while. Who's really in there?"

I glanced over at the dead Emily out of the corner of my eye. "The Joker."

Emily's eyes snapped open and she sat straight up. We were just staring at zombie Emily. Okay, she wasn't really a zombie, but she was dead a minute ago.

She jumped up and grabbed my shoulders in a vey tight grip. "Are you serious?" I nodded.

"ZOMG!" she shouted and ran into the closet as well.

The second the door fully shut, we could hear the loud screams from Emily, Frankie, and a few unknowns.

Five minutes later, the screaming stopped and Frankie walked out of the closet covered in red jelly from her head to her toes. Beyond Birthday walked out after her in the same condition.

They sat down a table and started to make jelly sandwiches.

I stared at them with a stunned expression on my face. "I don't ever want to know."

"No one does. No one ever does," Mello said.

"And that children in why you don't ask friends to let you borrow their chainsaw…"

_Fin._

**Hahaha got it out on a tuesday like I did wen I updated regularly. XD it literally came from Ham asking me to borrow my chainsaw. I actually don't think I own a chainsaw, but o well. *shrugs* here's the C/O list:**

**Envy: homunculi (Fullmetal Alchemist)  
Edward Elric (Ed): main character (FMA)  
H-F High School: my school  
North/South Building: we have two buildings…North is where Anime Club was  
Shikamaru: lazy ass ninja (Naruto)  
Alphonse Elric (Al): brother of Ed (FMA)  
Greed: homunculi (FMA)  
Bio Pond: theres a pond between the buildings.  
Konoha: main village (Naruto)  
Tsunade: medic-nin, 4th hokage (Naruto)  
shinobi: another word for ninja  
Jiraiya: Toad Sage aka Toad-sannin aka Ero-sannin aka Pervy Sage XD (Naruto)  
hime: means princess  
Patty: gun (Soul Eater)  
Liz: Patty's sister…gun (Soul Eater)  
Death the Kid/Kid: Patty and Liz's meister (Soul Eater)  
Near: detective (Death Note) my hubby #1  
Mello: detective. (Death Note) Frankie hubby #1  
Matt: helps Mello. (Death Note)  
Kankuro: ninja of Suna (Naruto) Frankie hubby #2  
Shigure: Fruits Basket  
Rewind: he lives in Frankie's bra/backpack/pocket  
Ian: Love at Stake series (my hubby #2)  
Laszlo: Love at Stake series (Frankie hubby #3)  
Casimir: bad guy in Love at Stake series  
Lord Rebecca-Sama: me…Frankie gave me the name a while ago XD  
Jack Fenton: Danny Phantom  
Rock Lee: aka the Green Beast of Konoha…I think, unless that's Gai. (Naruto)  
Emily: Emily Kuc, she's our friend and absolutely _adores_ pandas and The Joker  
Pocky: you just fail if you don't know what this is  
Joker: Batman  
Beyond Birthday: bad guy from Death Note: Another Note**

**Well, I hoped you liked this crack filled story. Please review!!**

**Til next chap  
Rebecca _aka Lord Rebecca-Sama_**


	18. I'll Trade you a Shinigami

**This was written by Becky….she's another random member of T7BYCOWC. She'll have a few up in the coming weeks.**

_I'll T__rade you a Shinigami for your Friendship_

Frankie, Rebecca and I were walking through the forest to get my hubby Sei's house when we stumbled upon a police officer having a sudden heart attack. While we stared at the collapsed body Frankie shouted, "I HATE KIRA!"

"But why? Kira is amazing" I stated matter-of-factly.

"I can't believe you'd ask that question. He killed Mello and tried to kill Near. He is EVIL!"

"How can you say that about me?" I asked.

"WHAT?!" shouted Frankie and Rebecca together.

"I mean him.... I am NOT Kira" I tried to recover from my mistake but Jessica HAD to run up shouting "Kira. Kira. KIRA!!! I deleted them. Just as you asked. Spongebob and Naruto are no more."

""Oh my freaking god! Jessica SHUT THE FUCK UP! You just reveled my identity to L fans. Nice job. You know what? Go over there by that tree, you are in time out!!"

Jessica slinked away toward the tree indicated by me and sulked.

"YOU MONSTER!" screamed Frankie. "YOU KILLED SPONGEBOB AND NARUTO!"

"Well technically Jessica did but sure. I did. Spongebob got old after the fourth year and Naruto started to annoy me," I explained.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?! I AM GETTING A DIVORCE! It was hard enough with you being a Kira-fan but to be Kira! Unforgivable!" shouted Frankie.

I turned to Rebecca and pleaded "Talk some sense into her. She isn't seeing reason."

"I'm with Frankie on this one, Becky. HOW can you kill someone without thought? OR remorse?"

"I don't know. I just kinda do. By the way I disown you both."

"YOU BASTARD" Frankie shouted in frustration.

"How about this. You guys forget the whole I-Am-Kira thing and I'll let you have any shinigami you want. Ryuk, Rem. Anyone (just not sei)"

"DEAL"

"Cool. Oh and Jessica, time out is over"

"Thank you master" Jessica said as she jumped up and ran over to hug me.

We never did quite make it Sei's house....Envy had to ruin the rest of the trip but THAT is another story for another time

_Fin_

**Here is the C/O list. Becky made it this time.  
**Sei: from Shinigami Lovers, is a shinigami and such an emo  
Jessica, Rebecca, Frankie: friends. crazy people  
Kira, Mello, Near: From death note. (And depending how on your preference) Kira is the bad guy (or good), Mello is the semi good guy, Near is the good guy (or bad)  
Ryuk, Rem: shinigamis. also from death note.

**Becky will prolly have another few chaps here. Until next time,  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	19. Kira’s Schedule

**Written by Becky.**

_Kira's Schedule_

4:00am Attempt to Wake Up

4:15am Wake up to Ryuk's whining about apples

4:30am eat something

5:00am write in death note

6:15am finish writing in death note. Laugh evilly

6:30am go to school

7am write in death note during class

7:15am get annoyed with Misa.

7:30am write Misa's name in death note

7:35am sigh at the peace and quiet now that Misa is gone

9am attempt to learn

9:15am fail at it

10:30am have lunch

10:40am write in death note

11:00am debate with friends about Kira

11:30am go back to class

12pm once again write in death note

1pm get bored and throw apple at Ryuk

1:15pm try to explain to class why a floating apple is disappearing. ("Well its....a ghost")

1:30pm call ghostbusters

2pm School is closed due to a ghost infestation

2:30pm get home

3:00pm write in death note (seeing a pattern yet?)

5pm eat dinner

5:10pm get a call, Misa is back from the dead

5:11pm cry. the annoying girl is back!

5:30pm act normal around family and watch TV

6:00pm go to room to do homework

6:30pm watch News on TV

6:45pm write in death note

9pm search internet

9:35pm get angry at LxKira fan yaoi fictions

9:40pm write fan fic writers' names in death note

9:45pm get ready for bed

10:00pm sigh and kiss death note good night

10:05 go to sleep.

**C/O list written by Becky, as you can see, she's a Kira fan. XD  
Kira: Light Yagami from death note, "God of Justice"  
Misa: annoying girl who is second kira in death note, honestly I have yet to meet someone who doesn't hate her. She is SO ANNOYING! she is pointless  
Ryuk: awesomest shinigami from death note**

**Till next chapter.  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	20. Stuck on a Corner for ACEN

**Written by Becky.**

_Stuck on a Corner for ACEN and the ones we love_

I am Kira standing next to Near and Mello as we wait for ACEN to open it's doors. Just like Ouran High School Host Club does to its customers. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Beyond Birthday.

He insisted on buying jam so Becky took him to a store and told me to wait at this corner to save them a spot in line. Tamaki wanted to sleep in so Becky didn't wake him up and Honey-kun was snuggled up by him making Frankie jump with joy and stare at him.

Seriously, when I left she was hovering at the edge of the bed staring at Honey's sleeping face. Apparently he is adorable so she sent Mello ahead. Envy being Envy was having a hissy-fit (something about not allowed to kidnap Mello?) so Rebecca told Near to save them spots. All of us enemies, standing at a corner with no one around.

What's worse is knowing their names and faces but I can't kill them. Becky said ACEN is supposed to be enjoyable and fun so she took my death note away. Ryuk was told he either could come here or go to Las Vegas. Currently he is in the parking lot of the Denny's near our hotel attacking one of the workers. Why? Because that worker had apples and refused to give them up so Ryuk is attacking him to get the apples. If the worker hadn't latched onto the apples then everything would have been simple for Ryuk.

Becky is gonna be pissed when she finds out about it. She might even send him to Frankie again. Which is a fate worse than death. Believe me, it is. She speaks so loud and so quickly and she NEVER shuts up. It's "OMG a squirrel" this and "I love carmelldansen" that. And what's worse is that she is Becky's friend so Becky forbids any of us from killing her. If I do then no more death note for me and no more being Kira. I would be simple Light Yagami again. If Ryuk does? No more apples. EVER again!

"So..." said Mello breaking the silence. "What the hell is taking them so long?"

"Beats me. For all I know. B.B. is having a hard time choosing between jams. Envy is chained up and Honey-kun isn't up yet," replied Near. Who happened to be spot on.

B.B. couldn't decide on blueberry or peach jam. Honey-kun was not up yet so Frankie was still staring at him. And Envy? He was being so difficult that Rebecca chained him up till he calmed down. (you want to know the specifics, there are no poles or bars so she chained him to the bed).

BUT of course nothing is new with Near being right so no one cares. ACEN doesn't start for another hour and none of them showed up yet. Somehow we started talking about how we much we love them but hate them at the same time. So we were bonding.

Kira, Mello and Near were being nice to each other and were brought together by the power of ACEN. And still stuck on the corner waiting for the ones they love (and hate).

_Fin._

**C/O list written by Becky:  
**B.B./Beyond Birthday: Death Note: Another Note. serial killer with shinigami eyes, but no death note  
Mello, Kira, Near: death note. (if you don't know them by now, FOR SHAME!)  
Envy: Rebecca's husband. FMA  
Tamaki, Honey-kun: Ouran High School Host Club  
ACEN: the anime convention in our area

**Till next time, **_**Lunch Table Confessions**_** by Becky,  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	21. Lunch Table Confessions

**Written by Becky.**

_Lunch Table Confessions_

Becky's POV

Kira, Cait, L, Jessica, Mikami, Monika and I were sitting at our lunch table. Our very small and very cramped lunch table. I had to sit on Light's lap, Cait had to sit on L's lap (which may seem impossible, but somehow they did it so it's ALMOST impossible to sit in L's lap) and Jessica had to sit on Mikami's lap. Monika got her own chair.

We only had 4 chairs so we had to sit in people's laps if that's what you are wondering about. We were talking about the Kira Case very passionately. Kira and L were staring each other down.

"Kira. I deleted them" Jessica said to me.

Cait looked up and said "You know I am L. Right?"

When L is busy Cait stands in his place. So she was standing in for him right now because of the whole Kira/L staredown. Jessica shifted her eyes and stuttered while saying," Yeah....and ya know t-that's what the s-second kira would h-have said to Kira if ya know me and ya know Becky were the kiras."

"Riight" said Cait not buying the story.

"No dice?" I asked.

"No dice" comfirmed Cait.

I sighed and pointed out the window, "LOOK A SQUIRREL!"

"That's not gonna work" repled Cait.

"Run, it's Nico" I answered.

"Ew. Gross. Don't joke around about that."

Great my plan was working, she was distracted and forgot about Jessica's slip-up.

"You're right. I'm sorry. Here have the super happy fluffy delicious pink cupcake redundant happiness" I said passing the delicious baked good to her.

"OH MY GOD! SWEETS!" L turned and looked at it. Cait was about to give him some when he motioned her to eat it, that she should have it. L had asked me to make that cupcake and inside was present. Taking a bite Cait yelped in suprise. She started pulling out necklace (a new moon one that said "I'll never go away") out of the cupcake.

"Your welcome," said L staring at her intently, "I love you."

This day beat all days. This lunch table is amazing. This lunch is the best. These memories are forever treasured. The confessions at this lunch table? Priceless and unforgettable.

_Fin_

**C/O made by Becky:**

**Cait, Jessica, Monika: my friends (monika doesn't get a speaking part cause she barely talks. BUT I LOVE HER)  
L, Mikami, Kira: from death note. L is the world's greatest detective. Mikami the 4th kira and "the hand of kira" he kinda takes Misa's place. Kira, the "bad guy" and "god of justice"**

**Please join me here next week for **_**One and the Same**_** written by me. And review, don't forget to review XD  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	22. One and the Same

**This was written by me (Rebecca).**

_One and the Same_

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Frankie asked, sitting across from me behind the top of my computer.

I was staring at a picture of Mello and Deidara topless on my laptop. "They're the same," I said.

"Who?" I spun the computer around to show her the picture. Frankie immediately started to stroke Mello.

"Frankie," Rewind said, "you know that's a picture, right?"

Frankie glared at Rewind and went back to her petting.

I sighed and patted Frankie on the head. "It's okay, child, I do that, too." Frankie didn't respond. "Frankie!"

"Wah—what?" Frankie asked, snapping out of her stupor.

"Do you notice it?" I asked.

"Notice what?"

"Frankie, I'm going to make sure the boys haven't destroyed the clubhouse," Rewind said.

"They look the same," I said.

"Hmm…" Frankie said, staring at the picture.

"Frankie?" Rewind asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't spend all your t-shirts in one saloon with the chair. Scissors can't afford to pay your dept twice in a nanosecond," Frankie said focused on the laptop.

Rewind walked away, muttering, "What was that woman talking about?"

"I don't see it," Frankie said.

I stared at her like she was crazy. "It's obvious!"

"Well," she said, "it kind of helps if I know what I'm looking for."

"You don't see how they're the same person?"

"Nope."

I growled quietly. "Okay, listen closely."

Frankie nodded and pulled out a horn and stuck it in her ear.

"Okay—"

"What?" Frankie shouted.

"Can you hear me?"

"Hold on!" Frankie pulled the horn from her ear and stated hitting the side of it.

A few colored bouncy balls fell out and bounced along the floor. She hit the side a few more times and a trombone fell out followed by a jar of mayonnaise. A glass vase tumbled out and shattered on the floor after another few hit.

"Frankie, I think that's everything," I told her.

"No, I think there's one more thing." She shook the horn and a family of ducks flew out, spreading feathers throughout the room and blocked all paths of sight.

Once the duck problem cleared out, Frankie put the horn back in her ear.

"Can you here me now?" I asked.

Frankie screamed and threw the horn across the room causing it to smash.

"Good," I replied. "Are you ready to listen now?"

Frankie nodded.

"Alright. First things first, in this picture Mello and Deidara both have blue eyes and the same shade of blond hair."

"Right."

"Now, Deidara has mouths on his hands, so, assuming that they are the same person, Mello wears those gloves to cover them up."

"Makes sense."

"Staying with the idea that they are the same person, Mello gets his burn on the left side of his face and Deidara covers the left side of his face to cover the scar," I explained.

"But what about the mouth on Deidara's chest?" Frankie ask.

I nodded slightly in thought. "An excellent question, Frankie, you make a good point, but if he was Mello first, the mouth on his chest could've been…added once he became Deidara. Or, he was using a genjustu or something to cover it. The shape of their faces are also similar in this picture and the same goes for their skin tone."

"I agree with you on all those points, but if they're the same person, then how are they _both_ in the picture?"

I answered without s beat, "Photoshoped."

"Hmm. I'm starting to think you may be right. They are the same person."

"Why would you doubt me? I am the all knowing Lord Rebecca-Sama."

"All hail the all-mighty Lord Rebecca-Sama." Frankie said and bowed.

"Stand up, soldier," I replied.

Frankie stood and immediately started looking through the drawers in my kitchen.

"Kie-kun…what are you doing?"

"Looking for Mello and Deidara, I need to prove something." She held a knife from the knife drawer up to the light and stared at it.

"Frankie…Frankie," I said. She wasn't moving. I picked up a piece of candy and threw it at her head. It hit her and she dropped the knife back into the drawer.

"It was so shiny," Frankie choked out after staring at the fallen knife for a minute. "It was shiny and not covered in blood."

"You sound crazy, Frankie," I said.

"It was so clean." I was starting to get scared. I threw another piece of candy at her to try and snap her out of whatever she was in without having to get up and slap her.

Frankie shook her head viciously. "Damn it, killer version on me!" she shouted. "I told you that you can't come out when I'm at other people's houses! That's why we can only kill the hostages while I'm at my house!"

"Frankie?"

She laughed nervously. "You know how you always ask why I'm in therapy?"

"Yes…"

"That's why."

"I…see." Frankie nodded.

"Mello!" Frankie suddenly shouted.

I turned back towards the door leading into the garage. "We know your secret!" I shouted at him.

He started panicking. "You can't prove anything. You have no concrete evidence that it was me," Mello defended.

"Yes we do," I said.

"I swear I didn't steal the Easter Bunny's chocolate!"

"You did that?" Frankie asked, shocked.

"Umm…no."

Frankie narrowed her eyes at the chocolate lover. "We'll talk about this later at home."

"Can we talk about this somewhere public that's _not_ at home?"

Frankie just glared at him. Mello backed away and bumped into the wall behind him.

"We know who you really are," I said, changing the subject slightly as to avoid a bloodbath in my house.

"Who I really am?" Mello asked slowly.

"Yes!" Frankie said, pointed her finger at him.

"Alright," said Mello, "who am I?"

"Deidara!" we shouted.

"You mean the girly bomb lover?"

"Who else would we mean?" I asked.

"Umm, guys, I think you're confusing me—"

"NO! We are completely correct," Frankie said.

"We have all the evidence right here on my computer," I said. Frankie grabbed Mello's arm and pulled him over to the computer. "See?"

"…No."

I growled and stated explaining our logic to him.

"What's going on here, un?" Deidara asked, walking into my family room.

"Deidara?" I asked.

Frankie and I were looking back and forth between the two blonds.

Mello walked between us and hid behind Deidara.

"Oh, thank god. They were about to torture me," Mello said.

"We were going to do no such thing! I said at the same time Frankie said, "Only until you started crying."

My eyebrows drew together and I looked at Frankie. "We never had a plan to torture him."

"We didn't?" asked Frankie, "I could've sworn that was the first thing we talked about."

I looked away from her and sighed. "How do you two know each other?" I asked the blondes.

"We're long lost brothers, un," Deidara said and laid a hand on Mello's head. "I'm older, yeah, so that's why I have the mouth on my chest and little Mihael here doesn't."

"Brothers?" Frankie asked like it was a foreign concept to her.

"Twins to be exact," Mello explained, "We both have mouths on our hands, but since I was born second, I don't have one on my chest."

"You have mouths on your hands?!" Frankie asked.

I turned back to her. "How did you—of all people—not know that? You've had sex with him."

She shrugged, "He never takes off his gloves when we have sex and when he does well…I'm kind of already out of it, you know."

My right eye twitched. "That was just a hell of a lot of into that I _didn't _need to know: ever.

"Hey!" Frankie shouted. "It be your fault that you asked a question that warranted that answer!"

"Herumph, I say."

Frankie flailed her arms around wildly in confusion.

"Anyways, back to the matter at hand, un," Deidara said. "I'm only here to tell Mello that the Easter Bunny is pissed at you for blowing up his base of operations."

Mello looked confused. "But I didn't do that."

Deidara laughed nervously and held up the hand sign for a henge. He changed into exactly what Mello looked like now.

Mello looked ready to shoot Deidara in the head.

"I would start running, Deidara."

Deidara ran out of the house—still henged as Mello—and down the street. Mello followed him.

"You are so fucking dead!"

**C/O list:**

**Rebecca: me, duh  
Frankie: my friend  
Mello (Mihael): detective (Death Note) Frankie hubby #1  
Deidara: missing nin from Iwa. Makes bombs. (Naruto)  
Rewind: Frankie's dude who lives in her bra/backpack/pocket  
The picture: look up 'mello deidara' in photobucket and you'll find the picture I'm talking about. It kind of has a yellowish background.  
Henge: Naruto. Transformation Justu. You can change your appearance to anything rly**

**This was a rly short C/O list. One of my shortest. Review if you value your life…oh, I mean if you want a poisoned cookie……NO WAIT I MEAN— *gets cut off***

**Till next time. Frankie may have a story for you all soon lol.  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	23. Revenge

**This was written by Frankie.**

_Revenge is Like Sticking Your Hand into a Clearance Box. Ya Never Know What Touching, Awkward Family Moment You'll Ruin._

Mello's POV

Finally, Envy's coming to. He sways slightly side to side by the chain I have his arms hooked up to. I really should thank Frankie for installing this in the Club House. Maybe I can influence her to build a mega chocolate room?

"What the hell am I doing here!?" My thoughts are broken due to the palm tree waking up in a rather unnecessary pissy mood.

"I'm pretty damn sure you know why you're here, Envy!" I exclaim clutching the platform control box.

" Mello…" He looks around the room then below at the giant pot of boiling olive oil. His skin ripples for a moment until his face is twisted in rage. "Don't tell me you borrowed these chains from Becca?!"

"Borrowed, stole, had Frankie use her alchemy to make them, what's the difference?"

"I thought she was the Food Alchemist?"

"Frankie considers chains to be food… Seriously, don't ask." We stay in an awkward silence for a few minutes.

"So~ What is this," He motions his head towards the pot and room, "all about?"

"My, um, revenge… You know for all the, um, kidnappings…." I rub the back of my neck.

"Don't tell me you're gonna make me listen to both Mello Songs or some sort of yaoi involving me?"

"No~" I quickly exit out of Deviant Art and iTunes set on the control panel.

"You got to be more creative than that! I'm resistant to yaoi anyway…" Envy breathes out as he becomes limp on the chains.

"Seriously? How what level are you at?"

"I'm the husband of Rebecca. What level do you think I'm at?" I nod agreeing with him. She does have a load of yaoi and considering all the fan-fiction she reads… That would mean Envy is 100% cured of yaoiphobia!! The lucky bastard!

"How about you?"

"Frankie is my spouse; that should answer your question." It didn't really since she's on a low level as well.

"We really shouldn't be fighting. I mean, we married girls who we may be visiting in an asylum very soon." I fold my arms and nod agreeing with my enemy. My head snaps up, suddenly I'm filled with enlightenment.

"We're the same…" The sentence barely makes it out of my mouth.

"What did you say?" Envy faces me with confusion. I look at the control panel and lower Envy to my platform. Still bound, I remove him from the ceiling chain.

"If you're going to let me go, take all the chains off." Envy looks up at me; his face is soon twisted in fear by looking at my own expression. "Don't tell me you're going to do something kinky to me?! I'm not built for yaoi use!"

"I'm taking you back to Mother! We'll finally be a happy family once again!! Mother will be proud that you've come back, Brother!" Envy tries to wriggle away.

"Why don't you understand me?! We're the same!" I throw Envy over my shoulders and run towards the exit of the Club House.

"Oh, Brother! Mother and I have missed you so~ much!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! Are you having mood swings or something?!" Envy exclaims as we get closer to the exit. Rewind suddenly emerges from the shadows.

"What are you two doin'? Some kind of kinky yaoi? Shouldn't your wives' be here to watch?" Rewind asks without any hint of surprise. I cover Envy's mouth with my hand.

"I'm taking Envy to Mother!" I say with a slight twitch. Rewind looks us up and down, he adjusts his goggles, nods his head, and lets us leave.

"Thank you, Rewind. Now… To Mother's house!" As soon as we're out in the woods, my cell phone rings. I pull it out of my pants and answer.

"Is everything going according to plan?" The eerie voice asks.

"Yes, Father… According to plan."

**C/O list written by Frankie. I was cracking up when I read this chapter. XD  
**Mello: Death Note and my hubby.  
Envy: Full Metal Alchemist and Becca's hubby.  
Reverse Rewind: Dude who lives in my pockets, backpack, and bra.  
Club House: It's located in Hobo Jungle (we really have a place called that where we live XD )  
Becca: Meh buddy.  
The weird call at the end: It's a reference from Code Name Kids Next Door.

**Hope you liked. Please review!**** Next week ****Pattern Sentences****.**

**Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	24. Pattern Sentences

**Written by me (Rebecca).**

_Pattern Sentences_

I walked into the club house below hobo Jungle and walked over to the computer room, passing the ICU where Nüw Guey was sitting there on life support. I stared at him.

"You _will_ live Nüw Guey; life support can't fail me now. If it does, I promise to steal that pencil from Spongebob and redraw you," I said to him through the glass.

"Lord Rebecca-Sama, stop believing that Nüw Guey will live!" Frankie said through the speaker system in the clubhouse. "He was a bad shinigami that wrote on a CD case and he couldn't even kill people."

"Shut up, Frankie!" I shouted back to her. My figure slumped as I continued walking to the computer room.

I sat down at one of the computers and opened Microsoft Word. Time to work on those pattern sentences for English.

Ed had to turn in his report to Roy; however, Hawkeye was busy shooting holes behind his head because he didn't do his paperwork.

Roy escaped Hawkeye; the bar was open, and the girls loved Roy.

The girls hated Jiraiya; he went to Roy for advice; Roy laughed at his predicament.

Roy is an alchemist; Jiraiya, a ninja.

Bathhouses are dangerous: Jiraiya gets caught peeping.

"Rebecca is being weird, stupid, annoying," Frankie said, coming into the room.

"Frankie should stop talking, speaking, and stalking my husbands," I replied to her.

"That wasn't my fault!" Frankie shouted. "Mello needed an account of Envy's _every_ movement."

"You can't prove or confirm, blame or charge Envy of anything."

"Phone booths, kidnappings, and attempted yaoi watching—someone had to do them to my poor Mello, and that someone was Envy!"

"I'm pretty sure Envy (sexy, hot, evil) did the first two things, but when did he try and make Mello watch yaoi?" I asked, confused. "I thought that's what Mello did to Envy."

"Frankie—angry—is getting annoyed at Rebecca," Frankie said.

"Why are you talking in third person?" I asked.

"Frankie finds it fun. Is Rebecca sure Rebecca's story was allowed?"

I was quiet for a second. "Shut up, you!"

_Fin._

**This was an assignment for English. Changed a little from what I had in mind at first. I know it sounds a little forced, but I blame the pattern sentences I need to put in it. Lol. C/O list:  
Club house: you should know what this is by now  
Nüw Guey: my shinigami I drew one day XD  
Spongebob: spongebob squarepants  
Frankie: seriously, you should know who she is XD  
Ed: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Roy: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Hawkeye: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Jiraiya: Naruto  
Mello: Death Note  
Envy: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Yaoi: boy on boy sex!!! *drools* XD**

**Yea…random spark of short inspiration lol. Till next time,  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	25. Minions

**This was written by me (Rebecca). Okay, this was actually a REAL conversation between me Becky and Ham. XD I'm not kidding…**

_Minions_

Becky, Ham, and I were sitting around the Hexagon table in the club house. Frankie graciously let me borrow the room while she and Mello did…um things.

I stood up and waited until Becky and Ham looked at me. "Okay, so, chip wise, what do u freaks want?" I asked. "We can't just eat puppy chow and slushies…and don't say we can because we can't!"

Becky stood up, scraping her chair across the floor. "Well, you know what? WE CAN!" I glared at her and she sunk back down into her chair. "...DON'T KILL ME!! I WAS KIDDING! HAVE MERCY OVERLORD REBECCA!!" She bowed in her chair. "All hail, almighty Lord Rebecca-Sama."

I stared at her. "I didn't know I was feared throughout that land." I shrugged. "Oh well, maybe then I'll have a run on site order on me, then I wont have to kill as many people" I bit my lip in thought. "Although, they did see me...hmmm, oh well, they still die." I laughed.

Becky started to explain why I was feared. "Well, I come from an anime world place thing, and everyone knows everything about you and Frankie—quite infamous are you guys." She nodded. "And then I'm also a faerie assassin queen, so they know about you and if you're overlord to me then you're a god to them. So, yeah I guess you could say you're feared throughout the land."

I nodded in appreciation. "Okay then, that's a nice arrangement."

Becky suddenly stood up. "I have ice-cream... and SWEET, I CAN EAT SANTA AGAIN.....I MEAN, YAY, I GET TO EAT SANTA... for the first time?.. heh heh heh yeah that's it, for the first time." She sat down, laughing nervously.

Ham stood up. "STRRAAAAAAAWWWBERRIESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she shouted. She sat back down. "....I love you Rebecca."

My eye started to twitch. "I have weird minions," I mumbled.

Ham laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "Hee hee, but we all love you very much," she said in her little creeper voice. Her head stated to twist around in a complete circle but when she stopped talking it was back to normal.

"It's in the job description to be weird...or at least for your minions," Becky explained.

"Yes, very true," I replied.

It was silent in the room. "Oh," Becky said, "and I swear to god, if I fall asleep and someone wakes me up after like one hour of sleep, I will rip your throat out. My sister woke me up today (on accident, so I won't kill her) after I got only a few hours of sleep and I was tired but because once I am woken up I can't go to sleep for the next like 10 hours or more, I can't go to sleep

Ham nodded. "If someone does that then I'll murder you out back then lull you to sleep with my healing magic and then you will fall asleep on my lap. Then, I push you off and let the blankets devour you...yes, devour!" She laughed evilly.

"Oh wow," Becky said.

"Is it good or bad to have bloodthirsty minions?" I asked.

Becky is the one that answered. "I guess its how you look at it. It's great that we're bloodthirsty because then we'll do what you want just as long as we get to kill someone, and well we'll protect you for the thrill, violence and bloodshed that will happen when we do and someone attacks. But it's bad as well because we might begin to become bloodthirsty for you: aka we attack you."

I shrunk down in my chair. "Please don't attack me. At least Frankie will help defend myself...now where did that girl go?"

"Uh…" Becky kicked a rug down so I couldn't see Frankie's bloody, dead corpse. "I have no idea."

"Crap," I said. "She must have died again." I sighed. "Time to perform the ritual again." I left the room to start to sacrifice a goat.

Becky ran after me. "Wouldn't it be more logical to sacrifice a bunny, they repopulate like crazy as to goats who don't repopulate as fast," Becky shouted as she followed me throughout the club house. "Then again no one likes goats, but everyone loves bunnies."

I turned around to face her. "But if I sacrifice bunnies, I have to kill like 20 of them; although, if I do a goat, I only have to kill like one and a half."

"Pfft, it won't even make a dent in the bunny population," Becky tried to reason with me.

"Yea, but those bunnies are too damn hard to catch!"

"That was just what I thinking," Becky shouted and then laughed. "The Becca-telepathy works again!"

_Fin._

**Seriously…actual conversation on facebook. Not kidding. C/O list:  
Becky: my friend  
Ham: my other friend…no this is not her real name XD  
Hexagon table: Frankie used it in one of her oneshots  
Frankie: u should know her  
Mello: Death Note**

**Until next week…maybe. Finals is next week, so I will prolly have time to write. Review cuz it be my 16 b-day tomorrow!!!! You will get a slice of cake!!!  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	26. Death Note: Another Note

**This was written by Becky.**

_Death Note: Another Day_

Frankie was running low on jell-o and pudding, my jam supply was gone (AHEM! Beyond Birthday) and Rebecca was on a quest for something magical like my purse and Frankie's bra.

So, we went to the grocery store.

Do you know what it's like to have Al, Ed, Envy, Near, Mello, BB, Light, Ryuk, Tamaki, Honey-kun, the twins, Mori…okay, pretty much everyone in a store? It is madness!

Mello was placed on a short leash to prevent him from running to the chocolate aisle, Near, BB, and Honey were placed in the cart, Ryuk…I have no idea where he went, and Tamaki ran to the ramen and marveled at it.

The mass chaos was able to drive any sane person crazy, but come on; this is Frankie, Rebecca, and Becky. To us, it was bliss. It's just another day in our lives.

Smiling, I gathered everyone up. "We're just here for food, " I said, glaring at a few, "that we _need,_" I added. "Not _want_, but _need_. And Frankie and I are going to help Rebecca find something magical."

We walked around the store till we found the 'Magical Stuff' aisle.

Frankie looked at the dishwasher. "How is _that_ magical?"

She opened it and all of us were sucked into another world— a world so horrifying and terrible that it's worse than your worst nightmare.

It was a world of no anime. Absolutely none. Nothing.

We were separated from those we hold dear, stranded by ourselves.

Coincidently, we don't know how to get back and the dishwasher disappeared when we got sucked in.

And well, now we're trapped and in search of a magical dishwasher to take us back home.

Please send help. This world is so unfamiliar, sad, and (Dare I say it?) LAME!

So yeah, we want to go home. Any help is much appreciated.

We've seen portals leading to home, but we can't seem to cross into them. Are we stuck here forever?

_The End?_

**C/O list:  
Mello, Near, BB, Light, Ryuk: Death Note  
The Twins, Tamaki, Honey, Mori: Ouran HSHC  
Envy, Ed, Al: Fullmetal Alchemist**

**Next week, _Facepalm_. Thanks for reading, reviews are love!  
Rebecca _aka Lord Rebecca-Sama_**


	27. Facepalm

**This was written by Becky.**

_Facepalm_

"So, now you know the rules to pickleball. Any questions?"

Beyond Birthday raised his hand. Mr. Elkei sighed and called on him.

"What is the point of this game? Are we going to play at the pickleball Olympics? What purpose is for you teaching pickleball?"

"Not only is this 'sport' ridiculous, its name is bizarre," Light added.

Sighing, I rolled up a newspaper and smacked them both against the head.

"Your grade is mine. You back-talk and it's my demerits on the line. Idiots!" Turning back to Mr. Elkei, I said, "Sorry, you've known them for two quarters now, you should realize they're bad."

Getting up, I grabbed four paddles. "Ping Pong Badminton is the dumbest thing I have ever heard!" complained Beyond Birthday.

"And we've all heard some stupid things from Tamaki," replied Light.

"Hey!" shouted Tamaki, "not cool!"

"Oh my God, shut the fuck up!" I screamed.

Taking them to school instead of putting them in the secret clubhouse was obviously a mistake.

"How rude," said Tamaki.

"Yeah, all we did was comment on the game," chimed in Beyond Birthday.

"Damn it! _I lost the game!_" I screamed.

_The End._

**C/O list…written by Becky:  
Mr. Elkei: my gym teacher  
Tamaki: Ouran HSHC  
Beyond Birthday, Light: Death Note  
Pickleball: it does exist, it is very stupid, actually**

**It seriously is a stupid game. I think gym teachers made it because they ran out of units to do XD reviews equal love.**

**Next week, **_**Holidays**_**.  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	28. Holidays

**This was written by Becky.**

_Holidays_

Aram was on Tamaki's shoulders as he stretched his arm to place the star on the tree. Smiling, he watched it sparkle, a beacon of light in the cold winter night.

Beyond Birthday, Honey-kun, L, Light, Mori, the twins, and Jelie all worked on the ornaments while Ryuk, Rem, Mello, and Near worked on the train set and the little glass figurine village.

Frankie, Rebecca, Jessica, Cait, and I were making hot chocolate.

"The clubhouse sure looks nice and more festive with all the decorations," commented Jessica.

One wall of the hallway was decorated for Christmas and the other wall was decorated for Hanukkah. The ceiling was decorated with pagan decorations and the floor had Kwanza decorations.

Laughing, Rebecca replied. "Well, it's easy to put all this up when we force all our husbands to do it!"

Frankie nodded and then cracked her whip, almost hitting Mello. "Work faster, Mello!"

Mello shrieked and quickened his pace. "Please don't hurt me!" Mello whined.

Frankie glared then stuffed the whip in her bra.

Sitting in our chairs in front of out fireplace, we sighed and drank all the hot chocolate.

_The End._

**C/O list:  
Jelie, Aram: Meru Puri  
Tamaki, Honey, Mori, the twins: Ouran HSHC  
BB, L, Light, Ryuk, Rem, Mello, Near: Death Note**

**Thanks for reading and a very late happy holidays to you all. XD**

**Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	29. I've Always Loved You

**Inspired by a letter thing on dA. I did have a link to them, but I just recently looked on dA and they're gone. Sorry, this won't make much sense, but the letters were really just saying that the two (Mello and Near) always loved each other.**

**WARNING: in this chap, there will be hints…and not so much hints of melloxnear and other pairings. And language, very bad language.**

**Written by me (Rebecca).**

_I've Always Loved You_

"We have a problem," Mello said, walking into the room.

"What are you talking about?" Near asked, placing a piece of the puzzle into its place.

"The letters that Rebecca found online then showed to Frankie. Frankie keeps following me around with a camera trying to catch me with you! I can barely go into the bathroom by myself. She just walks right into the men's bathroom and no one even looks at her twice!" Mello was about to pull out his hair.

Near paused in his puzzle making. "I forgot she found those. Well, on the bright side, now I remember why I've been hiding out here. How did you find me anyway?" Near went back to his puzzle.

Mello walked over and wrapped his arms around the albino. "I always know where you are," he whispered into Near's ear.

"Matt helped you," Near said, shooting down Mello.

Mello pouted and let go of Near. He walked over to the window. "You're no fun."

The hotel phone rang. Mello picked it up since he was closer.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Put it on speaker," Near said.

Mello pressed the speaker button.

"_-lo? Mello?"_ Matt said through the phone.

"What?"

"_You have to help me!"_

"What happened?" Near asked loudly enough for Matt to hear.

"_Rebecca and Frankie keep following me around trying to find you guys since you two disappeared off the map. They seem to think I know where you are."_

"Do you?" Mello asked.

"_Well…"_

"Damn it, Mattie!" Mello said and punched the wall in anger.

"_I was the one that hacked Near's credit card records for you. Of course I would know where you are."_

"He has a point, Mel," Near said and placed another piece into the puzzle.

Mello groaned. "What are we going to do?"

"_No! Shoo! I don't know where they are! Shoo, go away, shoo! Damn it, Frankie, give me back my Gameboy!"_ The line went dead.

"They're going to find us now," Near said simply.

"Yeah, Matt will do anything to get his Gameboy back." Mello sat down onto the bed, defeated.

Three hours later Matt knocked on their hotel room door.

"I'm so sorry, guys, just please let me in before they get up here! Shit, the elevator just dinged! Come on, guys do you _want_ them to know where you are?"

Near and Mello shared a look of fear and Mello pulled open the door to allow Matt to fall in. He moved out of the way and Mello slammed the door closed, locking every single one of the locks.

"You fucking asshole!" Mello yelled at the redhead. "Why did you lead them here?"

Matt was breathing heavily. "I had to warn you."

"Sit down, Mattie," Near said.

Matt sat down on the bed. "Thanks, Near."

"Why are you taking his side?" Mello yelled, pointing at Matt.

"He needed a place to hide out, besides, sooner or later they would have found us; except now, we have advance warning."

There was a pounding on the door. "We know you're all in there!" Rebecca yelled.

"I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong room," Matt said in a high voice.

"I saw Matt run in here, this is where they all are," Rebecca said.

"Open the door, Mello, or I swear to Bob that you will never live to see tomorrow!"

"Technically I already died a few months ago!" Mello yelled back.

"God damn it, Mello," Near said and facepalmed.

"What? Oh, sorry," Mello said.

"I knew it!" Frankie said.

"Frankie, I don't think that's a good idea—" Rebecca's voice was cut off as something heavy collided with the door. "Frankie! Are you okay?"

"Ugh, seven tacos filled with chocolate and mayonnaise please."

"Ew," Rebecca said. Everyone made a face at the weird request. "Come on, Frankie, get up. We need to get in that room."

"Okay guys," Mello said quietly to Matt and Near. "I have a plan."

"What?" Matt asked.

"We go out onto the balcony and go a couple rooms down. Leave out one of those rooms and go back to one of our headquarters." There was another thump on the door.

"That may just work," Matt said.

"You are guys crazy?" Near asked. "Why would we risk getting killed by falling off the balcony?"

Mello moved towards the balcony. Matt followed like the obedient uke he is—with Mello, anyway.

"It's either that or our wives."

"I'll stay here, thanks," Near said.

"It was nice knowing you," Mello said and stepped out onto the balcony. Matt waved bye and followed.

They managed to make it over to the room three doors down and they knocked on the window.

The woman inside glared but opened the balcony door. "Who are you?" she asked.

Mello pushed her and went to the door.

"We're terribly sorry for this," Matt said to the woman.

Mello looked out the door and saw his _wonderful_ wife running from one end of the hallway into the door that led to their room. Rebecca was facing the other way.

"Okay, we can go, but we have to be really quiet."

Matt nodded and they made a break to the stairwell and down the stairs.

Back in the room, Near was sitting putting together yet another puzzle when Frankie finally managed to break open the door—a mere thirty seconds after Mello and Matt left down the stairwell.

"Found you!" Frankie yelled, pointing to Near. Rebecca walked calmly into the room.

"Where are Mello and Matt?"

"They left," Near replied.

Frankie visibly deflated.

"Where did they go?"

"Don't know."

"I say we go look in the chocolate aisle at Walgreens!" Frankie said and without waiting for a reply, ran out the door.

Rebecca sighed and looked down at Near. "You going to come home now?"

Near nodded and gathered up his toys.

The two walked in silence home. They were almost back to Rebecca's house when she decided to ask the question that was bothering her.

"So, is it just you and Mello, or do you guys sometimes have a threesome with Matt?"

"Well, we sometimes do a threesome," Near answered absentmindedly.

"I knew it!" Rebecca shouted and ran to go let Frankie know.

Near, in shock, stood on the sidewalk—frozen. "Damn it."

_Fin._

**I finally finished this XD Well, as you can see there are hints (and not so much hints) of MelloNear, MattNear, MelloMatt, and MelloMattNear. It goes in order of SemeUke. XD So, Near is the uke no matter what and Mello is the seme for all. Matt is a seme for Near and an uke for Mello.**

**Till the next chapter…whenever that may be.  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	30. The Airport

**To those who read, ****Not What it Seems****, I don't know when the next update will be. I am currently rereading the HP series and I just finished the third book. I am currently in Germany, so I do kind of have some more time to write, but still, I don't know when it will be out. Sorry.**

**Written by me (Rebecca).**

_The Airport_

Frankie crept down the stairs quietly so as to not let Envy know that she was there. The only problem was that there was only three stairs going down into the room with the TV and they weren't hidden behind a wall or anything, they were in the middle and anyone down in the room can see the people walking down the stairs.

"Frankie, I can see you," Envy said, still thrashing in his chains.

"Who is this 'Frankie' you speak of, Envy, dear?" Frankie asked.

Envy and Laszlo (who was keeping watch over Envy, thus causing him to have no more buttons left on his coat) sweatdropped.

"And just when I thought she couldn't get any _more_ weird," Envy said.

"_Oh~, Enveee~_" she gushed. Envy and Laszlo were staring at her like she was crazy.

Frankie rushed towards Envy in the corner of the room where he was chained up and hugged him…tightly.

"Can't…breath," Envy said, kicking his legs out in a futile attempt to get the clinging girl, no, boy…wait, is Frankie a boy or a girl? Anyways, Envy was kicking his legs in a futile attempt to get Frankie to let go; however, Frankie is a strong little person thing and she doesn't like to get go once she latches on…just like a parasite~!

Kankuro heard the yelling and came into the room with a bag of popcorn. He always loved watching Envy get tortured. Frankie suspected that it turned him on, so she made sure to videotape all her torture sessions.

"Ahh!" Envy screamed. Frankie was now crushing his ribs.

And let me mention to all you readers, Envy has yet to realize that he could just change his shape and get out of the chains that bound him to the wall.

Mello walked into the house via the front door, dressed in all leather, carrying a Walgreens bag that was filled to the brim with chocolate.

"What's going on?" Mello asked Kankuro.

"No idea. I just came home from a mission, heard yelling, made popcorn and came in here to watch the show."

Mello sat himself on the couch and put his feet up onto the coffee table.

Frankie immediately froze. She slowly turned her head around in a really creepy way with her eyes wide and her mouth in a thin line.

"Mello, honey" she said.

Mello gulped. "Yeah?"

"What have I said about your shoes?" She had let go of Envy at this point and she was looking at Mello.

"Uhh…not to wear them in the house?"

"Correct, Mello, but, Kankuro," she said and then pointed at Kankuro.

Kankuro chocked on the ball of popcorn in his mouth and had to do the Heimlich maneuver on himself. When he was done, he answered Frankie.

"What?"

"What are you and Mello doing wrong?"

"Um, we didn't wash our hands before eating?"

Frankie started chuckling darkly. She pulled a bloody pipe out from behind her back and bounced it on her hand a couple times.

"Not quite."

"Where did she get a pipe?" Mello asked Kankuro quietly.

"I have a weird feeling that that's Russia's…" Kankuro replied.

"Kol Kol Kol," Frankie started saying and creeping closer to the duo.

"Eep," Laszlo said and hid behind the TV as best he could.

Suddenly, Frankie's mood changed and the pipe disappeared. She turned back to Envy and unlocked his handcuffs.

"I'm supposed to send you back to Rebecca. She's still in her limo because all the roads were blocked and stuff by flooding. Laszlo, stay with him until he finds Rebecca."

Frankie's mood changed back to 'I-hope-bodily-harm-by-engraged-gender-confused-person-with-bloody-pipe-is-covered-under-your-insurance' mode.

Kankuro and Mello jumped up and ran out of the house at top speed with Frankie on their tail.

"Lets go, little vampire-man," Envy said, walking out of the house.

Two hours later the duo was waiting in a line at the airport to buy tickets and check-in for a flight to…well, anywhere that would get them into the international terminal since Rebecca finally made it to the airport and through security.

"Couldn't you just change into a guard and get through that way?" Laszlo asked, picking a button off of his new coat.

"Well, you see, I'm kind of…afraid of uh metal detectors." Envy started to shuffle his feet in embarrassment.

Laszlo pat the taller boy on the back since he couldn't reach his shoulder.

"That's okay. I'm scared of most things, so you're a lot braver than me."

Envy laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Yeah…"

So, after waiting in the _insanely_ long line, Laszlo and Envy made it to the kiosks. They bypassed them considering that they didn't have tickets yet and tried to get the attention of one of the two people at the front desk.

"Laszlo, get one of them over here to give us tickets," Envy said.

"Okay," Laszlo said.

Two seconds later, an agent walked over and asked for their passports. Envy created two American passports in his hand and slipped them on the desk.

She printed two tickets to Florence, Italy and bid them good day.

Thirty minutes later, they were at the front of security line where Envy started to hyperventilate.

"Sir, you're going to need to calm down before we can let you through," the lady who checks to make sure the passports match the people and tickets said.

"I'm terribly sorry about him," Laszlo said. "He's afraid of the metal detectors."

"There's alternate screening in a room over there," the guard pointed.

"NO!" Envy shouted. "I'll calm down!" He paused. "I'll calm down."

The lady nodded as Envy took a couple deep breaths.

"Daddy! Daddy! That lady has purple hair!" a little girl said to her dad. She was pulling on her dad's pant leg and pointing at Envy.

"Eleanor, it's not nice to point," her dad said.

The girls' statement caused Envy to choke on the air he breathed in.

"What…did she…just…say?" Envy choked out and then glared evilly at the little girl, causing her to hide behind her dad's leg.

"Uhh, well…you can't really blame her. You do kind of look like a girl…" Laszlo cautiously said.

Envy switched his glare to the small vampire. "Let's go," Envy said and stalked towards the metal detectors. All of the TSA agents watched with bated breath and Envy stalked forward.

He took a deep breath and walked through the metal detector. Laszlo scurried after him, pulling another button off his coat when he pulled it from the box that went through the x-ray machine.

Envy stood in front of the television screens that showed the planes' departure gates.

"Okay, so she's on the 6:40-something flight and that leaves out of gate….C7," Envy said. "Come on, Laszlo. You want to see me off before the sun comes up don't you?"

"…the sun _is _up, Envy," Laszlo said, following after the sin.

Envy stopped mid-step, turned around and faced the short vampire, pointing a finger straight into his face. "Then how are you awake? Shouldn't you be dead to the world?"

"Frankie and Rebecca created this new drug that allows us vamps to stay awake with the sun and not be burned by it," Laszlo explained.

Envy nodded, but Laszlo could tell that he was still suspicious.

Envy stalked off to gate C7 and sat down in a chair, waiting for his wife. Laszlo sat down nervously beside him, his feet about five inches away from the floor.

First class was called and Envy stood up and looked around for Rebecca and her parents.

"Do you see her?" Envy asked.

Laszlo hopped up and down a few times trying to see over people's heads. "I *jump* can't *jump* see *jump* anything!" He stopped jumping up and down and was breathing heavily with both his feet planted firmly on the ground.

Envy facepalmed. The small vampire forgot that he would levitate.

Envy pushed his way through the throng of people to the front so that he could see if she boarded.

The gate agent called business class, then the back seats in coach and there was still no sign of her.

Rebecca and her parents came rushing up and went towards the gate, tickets in hand.

"Envy!" Rebecca yelled. She ran faster and hugged Envy as tightly as she could when she reached him. She let him go and looked at him sternly. "What did I tell you about staying away from Frankie when we need to go somewhere?"

Envy hung his head. "She kidnapped me when I was bringing the paper in."

"On Saturday?" She paused. "In the rain?"

Envy shrugged.

"Whatever," Rebecca said. "We need to get on the plane. Change into a snake and wrap around my neck."

"What about…?" Envy pointed to the curled up snake that was there.

"Oh!" Rebecca uncurled the snake from her neck and gave it to Laszlo. Envy changed into his snake form and made his way up to Rebecca's neck, while Laszlo erased the minds of anyone who saw him transform. "Take this back to Frankie, please. And thanks for watching over Envy today." Rebecca smiled and kissed Laszlo lightly on the cheek in thanks before grabbing her computer bag and rushing onto the plane with her parents.

Envy was glad that Rebecca had changed into her pajamas since they were looser than her day clothes and he could hide easier.

An hour into the flight, Rebecca put up a Genjustu around her first-class-pod so no one would see her talking to an unknown person/palm tree thing.

"So, Envy, did you get the videos?" Rebecca asked.

Envy smirked and pulled a box seemingly from no where. "All, right here. Frankie's entire anime collection."

Rebecca towered her fingers in front of her face and smiled. "Excellent."

_Fin._

**This was inspired by a conversation me and Frankie had via text message. C/O list:  
Frankie: her hair is rly short now, and sometimes I walk up to her from behind and I think she's a boy XD  
Envy: FMA  
Laszlo: Love at Stake series  
Kankuro: Naruto  
Mello: Death Note**

**Til next time~  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_

**P.S. and if you pick-up the Bioshock reference, you get a cookie~! ^_^**


	31. Recia's Birthday Present

Recia's Birthday Present….NO, I DO _NOT_ WANT A COOKIE!

By Rebecca to Recia (Happy Birthday, Buddy~)

Once upon a time, there was a crazy girl by the name of Recia. Now, Recia was a special child. She loved vampires. Not just any vampires, but _two_ by the name of Angus MacKay and Jean-Luc Echarpe (both of which are from the Love at Stake series by Kerrelyn Sparks).

Unfortunately for Recia, they were both married and Jean-Luc was going to have two wonderful little children and—

"REBECCA!" Recia shouted down the stairs.

Rebecca sighed. This is why she never let Recia into the clubhouse.

"What, Recia?" Rebecca asked at a normal volume. You didn't need to shout inside the clubhouse, voices were carried to the recipient regardless of where they were via a very advanced computer system (and between you readers and me, it's a _great_ way to spy on people's conversations).

"Who's there?" Frankie asked, walking half asleep into the room.

"No one, Frankie, go back to sleep," Rebecca said.

"Okay," Frankie mumbled and went back to her sleeping area under the Hexagon Table in the Meeting Room.

"REBECCA!" Recia shouted again and ran into the room.

"What? And how many times have I told you that you don't need to shout in here?"

"Heehee, sorry. Anyways, is this true?" Recia asked and thrust the most recent Love at Stake book into Rebecca's face.

Rebecca leaned back to avoid getting hit with the book. "Is what true?"

"That Jean-Luc is having a baby!" she wailed and collapsed onto her knees.

Rebecca patted her on her head. "Yes."

"NOOOOO~!"

"If it makes you feel better, Angus and Emma are unable to have children at all."

Recia sniffed. "I know, but still…"

Frankie shuffled back into the room with a leash around Mello's neck. "What?" Frankie asked in response to Recia's look.

"Now I remember why I don't come down here."

"Mello, come on." Frankie tugged on the leash and led Mello out of the room.

Rebecca was happily munching on some chocolate and Mello stared at it as he was pulled out of the room.

"I GOT IT!" Recia shouted. Rebecca choked on the piece in her mouth.

"What?" she asked.

Recia grinned evilly. "I am going to go kill Emma and Heather and then Angus and Jean-Luc will _have_ to be with me for saving their lives from the evil woman!" The fire of youth was burning in her eyes.

"Uhh, okay…"

"Yosh!" Recia shouted and ran out of the room.

Rebecca jumped out of her seat in alarm. "Wait, Recia! You don't know how to get out of here!"

Three hours later, Rebecca managed to find Recia in the maze part of the clubhouse. It was a room that was at least 5 square miles big and it had a maze in it. If you made it to the center, you were teleported back to the start and Rebecca had a feeling that the maze could change shape and paths.

They made it out and Rebecca showed Recia the exit. She ran out to go find her loves.

Somehow, like magic, Recia made it to New York where the Annual Fictional Characters Conference was being held.

Recia walked in with a name tag that read 'Real Person'. She was looking for any of the Love at Stake characters that could tell her where Jean-Luc and Angus where.

Recia was walking around, minding her own business when she ran into someone that was dressed in a black cloak with red clouds on it. She looked up to apologize, but her words were caught in her throat when she saw the green _plant _growing out of the person's neck. Their face was also half white and half black. That would scare any normal person.

"'Real Person', huh?" the plant-man said. "**You think she tastes good?**"

"Wha-what?" Recia stuttered out.

"Zetsu!" Rebecca shouted. Recia jumped up and his behind her friend. "Don't scare my friends like that."

Zetsu looked down at his feet. "Sorry, Rebecca," he said and walked away back towards a bunch of other people in black cloaks with clouds on them.

Rebecca turned towards Recia. "Sorry about him. He's allowed to eat anyone, except my friends."

Recia nodded numbly. She noticed that Rebecca's nametag said 'Owner'.

"Come on," Rebecca said, grabbing onto Recia's wrist and dragging her forward. "I'll bring you to Jean-Luc and Angus."

They weaved through different people and many stands full of goods from each series.

"Wait," Recia said. "Is that Atticus?" Recia said and pointed to an old man over by the 'To Kill a Mockingbird' cast.

Rebecca chuckled. "Yes. The Love at Stake stand is over here."

"Hello, Rebecca, Recia," Laszlo said, picking another button off his coat. "Ian isn't here right now."

"I know," Rebecca replied. "And Envy is over by the Full Metal Alchemist cast…or he's out bothering Mello, but don't worry, he's not with me."

Laszlo sighed in relief. "Okay, good. Who are you looking for?"

"Emma and Heather."

"I think they're by the ANBU masks over in the Naruto area."

"Thanks, Laszlo," Rebecca sang and dragged Recia in that direction.

"Wait," Recia said. "How am I supposed to fight them?"

Rebecca facepalmed. "I thought that you had figured this out…"

"I thought I did, too…"

Rebecca led Recia to the ANBU booth and they caught site of Emma and Heather talking. "Okay, here's what we'll do," Rebecca started.

"Uh huh," Recia said.

"You'll charge in first and then I'll back you up if you need it, okay?"

"Uh huh." Recia nodded and ran towards the duo with her right fist ready to punch Heather in the face.

Emma sighed and held Recia back by putting her hand on Recia's head. Recia swung her arms trying to hit Emma.

"Recia," Emma said, "you need to stop this." She looked up at Rebecca. "Why did you encourage this?"

Rebecca shrugged, laughing. "Entertainment."

Recia sunk to the ground in exhaustion and she was breathing heavily. By now, a crowd of many different fictional characters had converged around the small group.

Emma squatted down in front of Recia. "Listen, Recia, you need to stop this, please. We let you have Angus and Jean-Luc on your birthday."

"But, today's my birthday _party_."

Emma looked up at Rebecca to confirm this and Rebecca nodded.

"Okay, you may have them today as well."

Recia jumped up happily. "YAY~~!" She ran and collected the two of them from the crowd and dragged them away.

_Fin._

**This story seriously wrote itself. I have no idea where the New York Annual Fictional Characters Convention came from lol. C/O list:  
Recia, Rebecca, Frankie: real people  
Zetsu: Naruto  
Envy: FMA  
Mello: Death Note  
Ian, Laszlo, Jean-Luc, Angus, Heather, Emma: LAS series**

**Until next time~  
Rebecca _aka Lord Rebecca-Sama_  
**


	32. Summer in Germany

**Written by me (Rebecca).**

_Summer in Germany_

Why did she agree to this? Rebecca always knew Envy was coming to Germany with her…even after the mix-up with the snakes, but Mello was not part of the plan. He decided (after running from Frankie) to join in on her vacation with her parents. Then, he called Matt to join as well. His excuse was that he 'couldn't live without his Mattie'.

"Come on, Mello," Rebecca said, pulling at Mello's jacket and he talked to Frankie on the phone inside of a phone booth. "I agreed to bring you along with me, but you can't go talking on the phone with Frankie every time you miss her."

Mello growled and clenched his fist. "I have to go. Your little friend is being an ass and making me get off the phone. Alright, bye." Mello hung up and turned around. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Rebecca. "Frankie says, 'hi'."

"Thanks for passing along the message." Rebecca looked around in confusion. "Now, where's Matt?"

Envy jumped down from the roof of the building next to them, scaring a couple of people walking down the street.

"He's coming down the street now. He's just around that store." Envy pointed to the ice cream shop on the corner.

"What did I tell you about jumping off the roofs? I don't care if you do it at home, but the people here aren't used to you."

Envy hung his head. "Sorry."

Rebecca patted his head a couple times. "It's okay, Envy. You can make it up to me by buying me some strawberry ice cream."

Envy nodded and went into the small ice cream shop to get the frozen treat.

Envy returned with a huffing Matt who was carrying six heavy shopping bags. Rebecca stared at the bags and noticed that not only were they all from the same store, they also were bulky and did not look like they had clothes in them.

"What did you buy?" the only female in the group asked.

Matt leaned against the wall, letting his arms fall and all the bags come crashing down onto the pavement.

"It wasn't me," he growled. "It was Mello."

Rebecca turned her glare to the chocolate lover. "What did I tell you about the chocolate?"

"But it was really good, so I had to buy more!"

"Rebecca," Envy said into Rebecca's ear, "people are staring."

She sighed and looked back at Mello. "You! Carry your own chocolate. Envy, help Matt up. We're heading back to the hotel."

"But…but there are six bags," Mello whined.

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Get over it and let's go."

Ten minutes later, they arrived back at the hotel. Envy, Matt, and Rebecca waited in the lobby for the gun-wielding blond to make an appearance.

"What do you think happened to him?" Matt asked after two minutes and there was no site of him.

"He's probably fine," Envy said, not really caring about the blonde's welfare.

Matt pouted.

Mello came in though the revolving door and got stuck since one of the bags didn't quite make it through. They would've helped him except he was stick in the middle. He gave a final yank on the bag and he was thrown backwards with all six bags and ended up in the lobby covered in chocolate bars.

Rebecca raised her eyebrows at him.

"Mello!" Matt said, "Are you okay?"

Mello grunted and sat up, causing a bunch of chocolate bars to fall.

"Fine. No thanks to you."

Rebecca cuffed him on the head. "Play nice. Now, I'm going up to my room. Make sure you clean this up."

Mello scowled, but nodded. He had to listen to the redhead; she was Frankie's friend, after all.

"I'll help you, Mels," Matt said and started to pile the chocolate bars back into the bags.

Envy followed Rebecca. "Tch, idiots."

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "We're dropping them off in Munich, so they'll be gone in two days."

Envy scowled and leaned against the wall as Rebecca unlocked the hotel room. "Good, because if I have to listen to them at night one more time…"

All Rebecca did in response to Envy's threat was laugh.

_Fin_

**Well, this was written for a contest on dA. So, not my best work, but it's still something, right? C/O list  
Mello, Matt: Death Note  
Envy: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Rebecca, Frankie: me and my friend**

**Yes, I was actually in Germany. The place that we're in I kinda made up, but it still gets my point across.**

**Until next time  
~Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	33. Lunchtime Conversations

**This was written by Becky…..however, this is a true story and everything in here really happened…except the part about the dog…**

_Lunchtime Conversations_

(Rebecca, Briana, and I observed Robby on November 3, 2010 and this is what our findings are. Regular font is me.** Bold is Rebecca**. _Italics are Briana_)

11:37 AM  
Eats like a rooster

11:38 AM  
Subject looks like having an orgasm while eating

11:39 AM  
Eats like a freak  
Freaks out randomly, shouts "Ew" repeatedly  
Hallucinations?

11:40 AM  
Sings to self.  
Slams fists in frustration about Sudoku. (Is someone failing epically?)  
Whistles to self, drums with fingers.

11:41 AM  
Ready to kill observer by staring menacingly at me.

11:42 AM  
Thinks he is someone else.  
Smiles like sociopath.  
Whistling again.  
O.o he's gonna kill us?

11:43 AM  
Doesn't like being poked. (But who does?)  
Freaked out, threw bag full of crumbs at Briana  
Fake apologizes

11:44 AM  
Has 'mur' conversation with random girl.

11:45 AM  
Sings to self.  
...He's planning something...  
DEAR GOD HE IS GONNA KILL US ALL

11:46 AM  
Is thinking (That can't be good)  
Sudoku is still being worked on (He sure is slow...)

11:47 AM  
Growls  
Looks at me evilly  
Counted from 2 to 6  
Says "clock" (?)  
Hums ode to joy

11:49 AM  
Introduced to yaoi:  
"It's in the way of Sudoku" (Still working on it... REALLY?)  
"They must be good friends." (Referring to the cover. Is he gay?)  
Sexual preference: "kaaaaaaaaaaaaa...h"

11:50 AM  
Twitches from question asked by Rebecca.  
Tries to stab Briana for taking Sudoku

11:51 AM  
Stabs Briana and applies pressure

11:52 AM  
Still Sudoku (REALLY?)  
Has to go back in time.  
Messed up on Sudoku

11:53 AM  
Can **B**ible **S**tudy (bullshit) his way through Sudoku

11:54 AM  
Freaks out at mouthgaurd case. Shakes in fear.

11:55 AM  
He will end Briana. Rebecca will want to die. (what about me?)  
Murderous thoughts?

11:56 AM  
Starts eating bag. NO REALLY, HE IS!  
Licks fingers in delight.  
Looks angrily at me, I'm gonna die.

11:57 AM  
Gets help on Sudoku (wuss. hahaha he's an idiot for needing help. jk)

11:57 AM  
_I lost my brain cells. _  
_- Bri__ (After helping subject with Sudoku)_

11:58 AM  
Plastic bag is still in mouth. Can't seem to swallow it, (TWSS)

_11:58 AM_  
_I forgot to feed my dog. AGAIN_

**11:59 AM**  
**sorry, but its too late, I already ate him.  
**

12:00PM  
Freaked out.  
Has to start over (Yup, he's slow)

12:01PM  
Stands up. (We're gonna die!)  
Spits out bag in trash (oh thank jeebus)  
Got his period.  
Makes weird faces.

12:02 PM  
Reads comics

12:03 PM  
Declares himself as future king.

**_12:04 PM_**  
**_Observer and others were murdered by subject.

* * *

_**

**And that was what happened O_O it be all true…except for the dog part…and us dying at the end but still, but anything that Robby did was true.**

**No anime characters, so no C/O list. Until next time~  
Rebecca ****_aka Lord Rebecca-Sama_**


	34. Tacos

**Sorry for the wait. I didn't have any inspiration lately. This was a text message conversation between me and Frankie.**

**Written by me (Rebecca).**

Tacos

I sat at the Hexagon table facing Frankie who was trying to fold back up her cardboard box so that it would fit in her pocket.

"Robby was making weird sounds at lunch again," I said to her, my hands folded together in front of me.

Frankie looked up from her task with the box. "I apologize for Robby's behavior. He didn't get his pills this morning."

I sighed. "It's okay. He only flung a fork at a girl at our table by accident and he said sorry," I paused, "and Jessica slapped him at the start of lunch."

Frankie stood and cheered, raising her hands in the air in triumph. "Yesh! She said she would for me!"

I laughed. "He glared at her, and then after she left, we all had to explain to Briana the whole thing with Robby licking you, which made you lick Jessica."

Frankie stared wide-eyed at me. "She slapped him 'cause he showed me something and I replicated it in front of Jessica. She told me it was dirty and she avenged me."

I nodded in acceptance. "You are the finest example of military training the Irkan army has to offer. Good for you." I pointed my finger at her.

Frankie shook her head in disappointment and put the folded up box into her pocket. "Too much 'Invader Zim' will lead you to a successful life. Watch yourself."

I stood up and slammed my hands onto the table, making it shake. "Do not mock the almighty REBECCA! I will send the vampire piggies to get you!"

Frankie's eyes widened. She shook her hands in a 'no' gesture in front of her. "ANYTHING BUT THAT! Please, I'll do anything!"

I nodded in acceptance and sat back down, folding my hands back together. "Make me a samich."

Frankie looked confused. "…that's al- I mean yes! Right quick ma'am!"

I smiled. "Good and deliver it to my house on Planet Irk. It's the red one with an Irken flag in the top window, and on your way, can you pick up my packages on Callnowia? They were too big to ship. Kay, thanks.

Frankie bowed. "Yes, Lord Rebecca-Sama!" Frankie pulled out her box and opened it. She hopped feet first into the box and disappeared to wherever she was going to make me a sandwich. The box disappeared with her.

It was a month until I got a call to go through to Frankie.

"Damn it, Frankie," I said into the phone. "I told you a thousand times. No side trips for tacos!"

"BUT I NEED TACOS!" Frankie shouted back. "I need them or I'll explode! That happens to me sometimes," she said calmly.

"Damn it, Frankie." I facepalmed.

_Fin._

**So, until next chapter. I have something thought out, I just need to write it. And that was a conversation between me and Frankie as well. Well, the idea was XD**

**Until then,  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	35. How to Make a Baby

**Ahahahah I AM BACK! Long time no see. Well, this story is actually written by someone new and I involved her in a couple of my stories.**

**This is written by Recia.**

_How to Make a Baby_

**Step 1:** The male, after frequently rubbing his hands together for thirty (30) seconds, smacks his left hand against the woman's belly while screaming the word, "BABY!" For twins, he uses both hands.

**Step 2:** The male and female must go out in a field (or other empty space outside) and do a rain dance while chanting gibberish words. _Please note: Do not wait outside for rain._

**Step 3:** The stork goes to a Toys 'R' Us and purchases a baby doll that looks like the father so that he does not suspect anything. _Please note: You cannot bribe or leave a note for the stork requesting the gender of your child._

**Step 4:** That night, if the stork is not busy, he visits the couple. While they are sleeping, he rips open the woman's throat. _Please note: This is painless, yet extremely bloody._ He then shoves the toy baby doll down the mother's throat.

**Step 5:** The stork sews the woman's throat shut with some of his feathers. If you do not believe me, check your mother's throat. You will see feathers. If you do not, you were adopted…or she is an alien.

**Step 6:** The mother eats a lot of processed food, so do not worry, this is perfectly normal, but men, I do have to warn you, she gets mood swings and gains some weight (gets fat). After all this, the baby doll becomes real! Kind of like Pinocchio but less dramatic.

**Step 7:** Nine months later, a baby pops out!

_**Frequently asked questions**_

Q: Does it work with two girls?  
A: Not unless the woman is EXTREMELY masculine.

Q: What happens if this method is done to someone that is already pregnant?  
A: The baby will die.

Q: Can vampires use this method?  
A: No, they have to have sex.

**C/O list…**

**Nothing here, it was just so crazy that it needed to be shared with the world XD**

**The sad part is (like it always seems to be) that this was a real conversation the other day lol**

**Until next time,  
Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


	36. The Hidden Hexagon Village: A History

**This was written by Frankie a long time ago and got lost in the sea of cyber space until i recently found it.**

_The Hidden Hexagon Village:_ _A History_  
Written by Frankie:  
A member of the village and Food Alchemist

Now most people have never heard of the Hexagon Village before. Why, might you ask? This is because every single ninja, alchemist, mail person, milk person, and the occasional whale that have not been born in this Hidden Village have all been eliminated. For those who do not understand the big word I had just used, eliminated means to blow to smithereens with a very big paper bomb shoved down their throat disguised as a cupcake.

Of course my humble village has many skilled ninja. Rumors are always flying around the ninja world, and yet, no one has once heard of a ninja bearing the Hexagon headband. This is due to those that have fought against our elite ninja have all died of a horrid death. I other words, no one knows of my village because all outsiders that get wind of our village are all six feet under… Or mounted on our walls. We like to be creative with our house decorations.

This is only volume I of many more books to come! Unfortunately, I have to kill you now that you have discovered our village's existence. This is a summoning scroll and I will be behind you in about… Yeah, you're dead. You can't even read this since I already ripped your eyes from their sockets! Coho, fun times.

_End._

**Not going to question it. The world this is in is the Naruto universe.**

**Next story up soon,  
~Rebecca _aka Lord Rebecca-Sama_  
**


	37. Why did I do it?

**This was written by Frankie a long time ago (June 2009 O.o) and got lost in the sea of cyber space until I recently found it.**

_Why did I do it?_

Rewind's POV

I can't even go into public with these guys. Down a few blocks from Frankie's house lays the Southgate Pharmacy. Great place for cheap candy.

"Rewind how much cash did Frankie give us?" Nozomu-sensei asks while scanning the ice cream along side me.

"She only gave us five dollars. We're all restricted to one candy bar. The rest of the money goes back to Frankie." I pat the bill in my back pocket. Mello and Black Star both run up to me and hand me their desired candy.

"Black Star you do realize this is liquefied sugar right?" I hold up the red tube filled with blue goo.

"Frankie and I are gonna use it for a prank on Ian!" He happily announces a little too loud. He does know that Ian is a vampire with super hearing? I dunno if he can hear this far but it's not my problem. Nozomu and I pick out our ice cream and I head to the counter to buy the stuff. The girl at the counter looks incredibly bored as she sets down her magazine. I politely smile at her and place the sugary treats down and give her the five.

"You have pretty hair." The girl lazily says and pops her gum. I run my fingers through my longish, spiky red hair.

"Hehe, thanks. Can I get my change?" I ask, a little embarrassed.

"I bet your hair would look great if I tied just a bit of it into a ponytail." She pushes the change and candy into a brown paper bag. Then takes a hair tie off her wrist.

"No thanks. I'm all set here." I pick the bag and just 'bout ready to call the other guys over until she grabs my wrist.

"If you let me tie it I won't call the cops for theft." She speaks with a sly smile. I throw her a wry look. Nozomu-sensei and Black Star grab their stuff; Black Star takes Mello's chocolate bar, and runs towards the card aisle. I return my attention to the girl.

"Your tranny friend has been stuffing chocolate bars into his pants for the past five minutes. Now turn around and let me do your hair." She reports and I listen to her demands. I turn 'round and let her pull my hair up. Once she is done, she hands me a mirror she pulled out of her purse.

"I have to admit, it looks pretty good." My bangs and some of my hair still stick out but it kinda made me look like the one twin from Vocaloid.

"So~~, you gotta a girlfriend?" I stop admiring my hair and face her. I'm just 'bout to explain to her that I'm not available until Mello runs up to us all in a rush.

"I've got a golden ticket! A golden ticket! My wildest fantasies have been realized!" Mello waves the shiny ticket in to air as he jumps up and down. A small smile spreads over the cashier girl's face.

"You're excited too, huh?" Mello briskly says. The girl's smile fades away.

"Nope. I've been holding in that fart for hours." She plainly states.

"Everyone we're leaving now…" I walk out the door with the three guys on my tail. Mello still ranting on and on 'bout how he can't wait to tell Frankie. I don't even know why I left Frankie's backpack in the first place.

_The End._

**So, this chapter has a normal name until further notice because Frankie never gave me a name to use. C/O list:  
Mello: Death Note  
Rewind: guy that lives in Frankie's bra  
Nozomu-sensei: Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei  
Black Star: Soul Eater  
Southgate Pharmacy: pharmacy  
**

**Until next time,  
~Rebecca _aka Lord Rebecca-Sama_  
**


	38. Sunday Morning

**This was written by me (Rebecca). Also, this isn't as comical as the others, so sorry about that. But, hey, it's an update, right? And Envy is a lil OOC.**

_Sunday Morning_

"I don't think anyone is going to come," I said to Frankie, resting my head onto my hand.

I sat at my desk in my study back at the Hexagon Village Headquarters. Frankie got back four hours ago from putting up signs for mission requests.

It's only Sunday. I'm sure people will come soon," she reassured me.

I sighed. "No one's even out there."

"Most missions don't come from internal payers."

"Yeah, but business has been slow."

Frankie sighed and patted me on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. My second job awaits."

I nodded absently and she jumped into her green cardboard box.

I sat alone in the room. The early morning air filtered through the open window.

My village was broke. We could barely pay the house payments. No one came to request missions. No one even sent one via carrier pigeon recently. I was lonely and wished for a mission. D-rank would even be welcome.

I stared out at the main square of Iron Country and the streets I walk on a daily basis. People went about their daily lives, not bothering to request missions from the two ninjas in a village full of samurai.

The phone on the desk rang.

"Hello?" I asked. No one answered. "Heeelloo? I don't have all day here!"

"Um, hi," Envy said.

I smiled softly. " Hey, you need something/"

"…I just thought I would call…"

_Fin._

**And that's it. Wrote it at the writer's conference thingy. I think we had a prompt to write, so that's why it's all short and such.**

**C/O list  
Envy: FMA  
Iron Country, Hexagon Village: Naruto**

**Until next time  
~Rebecca _aka Lord Rebecca-Sama_**


	39. Teammates

**This is written by me (Rebecca). Again, sadly most is an actual conversation over facebook, but to be honest, it could happen in real life. XD**

_Teammates_

"Alright everyone, settle down, settle down," I said as I walked in the conference room in the clubhouse.

There was a bit of fighting over who would get the seats at the hexagon table, but after three people were injured and Gilbert appeared in a seat and smiled at the people fighting, they stopped, shuddered and quickly found their seats or stood near the wall as far as they could from Gilbert Ikah.

"Now, everyone," I said, "I bet you want to know why we are gathered here today." Sounds of agreement traveled through the crowd. "I have put all your names into a hat and pulled out seven that will be on my Zombie Apocalypse Team. I will tell you who you are now and I want to make sure we are all comfortable around each other before the end of humanity. Also, if I don't call your name, could you please get the fuck out. Thank you. Now—"

"Get on with it!" Tim the Enchanter said.

I threw a brick at his head. "I was if you would give me a damn minute to get my notes straight. Now, as I was saying, my sidekick would be Jessica."

"Wahoo!" she cheered.

"My heavy weapons person will be Recia."

Recia smiled a very dorky smile. "I get to use weapons!" I facepalmed.

"Lucky Recia," Miranda said and started to tear up.

I ignored them. "The idiot that survives is Brendon."

"Yes," he said.

"My sniper is Emi."

She started to giggle uncontrollably.

"Miranda is the one that loses it."

"Lose it how?" she asked.

"Himani is the brains." She liked this. "And the first to die is" Everyone leaned in close. "Frankie." I gathered my notes back into a pile. "Okay, if I didn't call your name get out of the clubhouse or I'll have Brute Splicers escort you out.

The rest of the people started grumbling as they made their way out of the single set of double doors behind my seat. Gilbert smiled again and faded from existence back wherever he lives. I knew I should've put zebra pelts along the walls. Frankie _did_ say it was a good investment.

"You know," I said to the remaining seven people in the room. "This doesn't work. Frankie would be the sole survivor, and well, Miranda makes sense."

Frankie stood up on her chair and put a foot on the table, pointing her finger straight at me. "I would live forever! I would wear their skin as pajamas!"

I stared at my crazy teammate. "I think you would get eaten while you are stripping the skin off of the zombies, but then again, they my not smell you if you are wearing their skin."

"I would get to skin zombies?" Miranda asked. "Awesome!"

"Yes, Miranda, you and Frankie both would."

R-Dizzle popped down from the vent in the ceiling. "Zombies!"

I sighed. "Yes, zombies." She giggled and went back up into the vent. I pushed the button on my desk. "Security, there is an unauthorized person in the air vents. Make sure she doesn't hurt herself."

Miranda stood up and slammed her hands onto the table. "Frankie, let's have matching pjs!"

My eyes widened at her statement. "I'm terrified of _both_ of you now."

She turned towards me. "Becca, I want a matching pjs set with you too."

"As long as I don't have to skin my own zombies…"

Miranda looked around and then turned back to me with a creepy smile on her face. "You want pink or red or green pjs?"

"How do you make green out of zombie skin—wait, never mind." It's probably moldy or something. "I think I would like pink because it will still be semi-human colored…"

Miranda started laughing. "Pink is insides, red is BLOOD, and green is skin." She smiled innocently.

"…I was thinking, green is rotting skin, red is bloody skin, and pink is newly turned zombie skin."

"I say we invest in some Combustible Lemons," Brendon said.

"What are Combustible Lemons?" Recia asked.

Frankie slammed her hands onto the table causing the vase of flowers in the center to fall over and shatter.

"Only the greatest invention ever! They can burn Life's house down!"

"Right…"

"Our mascot should be a panda," Emi said.

"Gilbert will be mascot," Gilbert said, fading back into the room.

"Ahh!" Frankie and I screamed.

"Get out of here, Gilbert!" I said. "You're not part of the team."

He smiled wider and laughed deeply as he faded away. When he was gone completely I pushed the call button on my desk.

"Frankie!" I barked. Frankie sat back down in her chair and pushed the call button in front of her.

"Yes, Lord Rebecca-Sama?"

I pushed the button to call back to her. "Install the zebra pelts around the room."

"Yes, sir!" She saluted me and jumped into her green cardboard box to complete the task.

"Why did you guys just talk over an intercom system if you were in the same room?" Recia asked.

I looked up from my papers and stared at her. "Official Hexagon Village business. Team meeting dismissed." I pushed the button on the table again and the rest of my team disappeared into holes in the ceiling that lead back to the surface.

"Lord Rebecca-Sama, we have a problem," Frankie said through the intercom.

"What?"

"Gilbert is circling the petting zoo."

I sighed and stood up, leaving to help her. "I'll be there in a minute. Kill all the zebras and use their pelts to line the conference room."

"Yes, sir!"

_The End._

**So, the conversation that took place on facebook ended with me saying what the colors of skin meant. No one commented after that. So, I had to invent an ending. Gilbert scares the shit outta me. He's on facebook and probably more than willing to become your friend. Gilbert Ikah, look him up. Scary as shit.**

**C/O list:  
**Gilbert Ikah – Frankie and Robby invented him. He. Is. Real. No joke O.o  
Frankie, Emi, Jessica, Brendon, Recia, R-Dizzle, Himani – friends in real life  
Combustible Lemons – Portal 2  
Hexagon Village – my village  
Tim the Enchanter – Monty Python and the Holy Grail  
Brute Splicers – Bioshock 2

**Until next time,  
~Rebecca **_**aka Lord Rebecca-Sama**_


End file.
